hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Sorry I missed you last night. I was in the land of nod- mind you I was up at 2:30 wide awake again so I should have come here then!!
I hope you are feeling brighter again. Once we get this weekend over that will be another hurdle. I have absolutely no recollection of Mother’s Day last year-think I must have still been on another planet (still am a lot of the time!!)
You take care, Marie
Lots of love
Louise
xx
PS I read your post about confidence etc. I feel exactly the same just now-confidence and self esteem are nil!!
(I think I've been on here all day today!).crumbs, you’ve had a very long day today haven’t you? I'm not surprised you feel 90, I feel like that and I haven’t done anything today, not a thing.
No I don’t think my brother has ever accepted Dad going let alone Mum, but I'm going to do what I feel Mum would want, so what he doesn’t know wont hurt him.It’s a shame because we were so close, but I feel theres a little bit of a wedge between us now, and Mum wouldn’t be very happy about that.I try to do things with him in mind, but it never seems to work out right.You wouldn’t believe some of the things hes done and said since Mum went.She would be very angry with him.That’s nice that your brother phones you every day, I doubt if mine will even remember our anniversary, it’ll be an afterthought, like he did with my birthday card last year.Its usually my birthday when we’re away on holiday in October and he knew we were going away.He came round half an hour before we left to give me a card.When I opened it I wished he hadn’t bothered.It was the worst card you ever did see.It looked like something he had picked up off the floor, it didn’t say happy birthday or love from…… or anything.All he wrote was ‘from Alan’, and that was it.My hubby told me to bin it, but I just had to keep it to show my mates when I got home.They couldn’t believe it.Your Mum and Dad would be so happy that you and your brother have stayed so close and look after each other.
I hope you get your chest pains sorted out Louise, it must be such a worry.How often do you have to use the BP monitor?Have you got it sussed out yet?I can't believe its been 5 weeks since you had your hair cut, its gone so quick hasn’t it.My hubbys having his cut on Friday, we usually go at the same time, but I can't be bothered, maybe next week.Yes hubbys working tomorrow, he very rarely takes time off for anything.I will definitely have a few drinks on you Louise, and then one for Susan, Karen, Amanda, Marie, Sharon, Liz, Jodi, Nicky and anyone else I've missed!!!Then one for Mum and one for Dad, and then I’ll probably feel very very drunk and have a hangover round Morrisons ha ha.
I'm just reading your message to Susan again.That was definitely a message from your Mum Louise, I got all excited when I read it.In one of the books I have (by Sylvia Browne), she says that spirits gain their energy through electricity and water and usually are more active between the hours 3am to 6am in the morning because the dew is heavier (don’t know what significance that is), but she reckons they use any form of electrical item to get your attention.It’s a bit of a coincidence that your Mum used to sit on the seat next to the lamp though isn’t it.If it was a surge of energy wouldn’t it have affected the other lights in the house?I'm going to carry on believing it was your Mum, it may be the first of many signs, lets hope so.Well, I'm off now to watch ‘Most Haunted’ and see what Derek has to say about his ‘residual energies’!!have a good day tomorrow Louise, and I’ll speak soon. Take care, love jayne xxx
Sorry I havent posted for a few days, been same as Jayne and Jodi, keeping up (ish!!!) with posts but finding it hard to reply, and then tonight there were so many posts to catch up on. Also my very best friend - who lives in Manchester - so not close by - ha had an ectopic preg, poor thing, she only really found out about preg last week, we have been talking all weekend, because she was a bit worried about some pains, so On Monday she went in for check up and luckly wwas sent for a scan. When I talked to her last night though it just brought so many memories of mum being in hospital back, my friend lost quite a lot of blood, my mum did, she has been on morphine, it is just a horrible reminder, and it scared me too that I think they caught it just in time. But thank goodness she is okay, they did find out and she was in best place to deal with it.
Susan, I am glad visit to Old Trafford went well, regardless of sad moments, you did it and it sounds like your son is such a great support and a very special boy. I too think it must a=have been a sign that your parents were there with you, smelling your dads aftershave, how amazing!! How is the kitten doing? I hope you are okay and thank you for message, I have just let it go with friends ,one of girls has got some understanding of lossing a dear loved one - her dad is suffering from alzheimers, and her mum lost both her parents early, her mum to cancer too, so she has got some understanding and has probably been the most supportive to me since mum has passed, so maybe I am a little possessive of my relationship with her, since three of us have been spending more time together, we dont do as much together, or get to chat as much anymore. But anyway that life, I will just have to move on and cope with it, nothing can be as hard as what we have had to learn to cope with so it is a minor worry in comparision.
Jayne, Have a lovely day tomorrow - Happy anniversary! I am sorry you have been having a low time and really do think that your brother is just coping very differently from you. He may come to accept what you have done with ashes in time, but dont worry and try to maybe not let it ruin your relationship. We all cope and deal with things differently some in strange ways that make us say and do hurtful things, probably not even realising what they are doing. When my gran died, me, my mum and aunt were looking through pics and we all wanted some so I offered to take them and scan them and then send org back then we could all have copies, my uncle came in (a bit drunk) and shouted at me "Nothing is leaving this house, nothing!!" It turned into a bit of a night, my dad shouting at my uncle, me crying as I meant no harm, but they were my grandparents and surly I was able to take something from house - my mum was the sensible one though uncle stormed out to pub and my brother later went after him, to stop him drinking too much!! Nightmare, funny how some people just seem to get a bit possessive of everything, even others that just loved and want to share tthe memories. We are fine now, it wasnt really discussed with him afterwards, though I didnt take pictures either, didnt want to push it really!!
Will be back in bit to carryon Josie just wakened!!
Hi Jayne and Louise-- I reckon that Jayne could be right,Louise,and the lamp switching on was down to your mum.It would be nice if it was.i am so desperate to get some sort of sign from my mum but theres nothing.
I do hope that your chest pains stop Louise because you can't help but get a bit worried about them,and then the worry will put your blood pressure up and you'll be back to square one.
It has been such a lovely day that i've managed to get heaps of washing done.Now i've got heaps of ironing to do!! My head has been thumping all day which is a pain- literally!- i don't generally get headaches but when i do,they're not nice.Consequently,i havent done too much today other than the washing,and that pretty much does itself really- i just had to hang it out,and get it back in.When i picked my youngest up from schoolat 3.30 he was droning on about how giraffes use sign language to talk to each other!!! My poor head couldn't cope and it did remind me of a similar conversation i had years ago with my eldest,who was twittering on about the potential skills of one legged footballers!!! after a while he turned to me and very angrily said MUM- Youre not listening are you???!!! and i had to admit that he was right,i had switched off long since!!!! Luckily my youngest has a sense of humour,so when i told him that i had no idea wether or not giraffes could do sign lanuage and i would rather not worry about it whilst my head was hurting so much, he was fine and said "ok then!" Boys!! sometimes i wonder just how many brain cells they do have,and just how many they actually use!! hubby can be fairly dense at times also!!!!
Anyway, i think i'll go and take some paracetamol and go to bed.Hope you both have a good day tomorrow.Jayne- make sure that you do give your aunt some ashes as you had planned to do.She clearly wants some,and i think that this is what your mum would have wanted,like you do.Sending love to you both,and also to Karen,Amanda,Nicky and everyone else.Bye for now.marie XXXXX
Thanks for post, I am usually quite a confident person, but I guess feel more vunerable than ever before and much more sensitive, and Ithink the big thing is lonely and missing the close female companonship that only your mum can give, even though try find ways or others to fill that void a little, it can never be the same can it. And other people, who have not experienced this, can never fully understand what we need, or how to help us, even when they say they want to.
I started this post other night agter you had replied to me, so sorry its a bit late!!! But I know I just have to try and be like the old me and maybe not worry so much. I am sorry you went through all of that at school, but you sound like a strong confident woman now and have hopefully come out the other side, some people hurt and dont mean to and others a just downright nasty, I am sure people must see the error of their ways over time, and must need to do alot to feel comretable with themselves, after the way the treat others.
I hope your head feels better tomo, and that you have a good nights sleep. Thanks again and speak soon.
xxx Lots of Love Amanda
Hi Louise,
Thanks for caring and your messages. I have just been having a quite couple days again and been bit preoccupied because of friend in hospital, she is a truly good friend and I am so upset this has happened to her. She got married last year and a couple years into her relationship her boyfriend (now husband) said he did not want children, she has always wanted them and was devestated by this , but decided to stay with him because she loved him. It didnt look like they would get married either, not his thing really, but finally he did propose and she was so happy, then he started talking about having children, finally coming round to the idea - though slowly. They have been tog about 9 years and so got married last year and this year started trying for baby - then this happens. I know she can go on and try again, but it is hard to think positively when it has just happened, and I think it was quite complicated in surgery. She said she just knew something like this would happen to her - there are five of us that are close friends from uni and she is last one of us to get married though we thought she would be first and rest of us have children, I just want things to be okay for her. Anyway, so that has been keeping my mind away from here last few days. My dad also had a hiccup with house sale, but I think as of today it has been sorted, some paperwork seemed to be missing and people were threatening to pull out, will find out tomo for def if things are still on, but looked much better today than if I had written yesterday!!
How have you been feeling? Are they sure that the BP medication is not giving you the chest pains? Def keep pushing them till you get an answer - did they start near time you started taking tablets or before then?
I hope your hair looks nice, I really need to get mine done- def no home cut for me either though, ~ I would make a mess of it thats for sure!! And I agree with Jayne and Marie about the light, how else could that happen? Dont be spooked by it, your mum wouldnt want to spook you, just let you know she is around you.
Did you get the reports done again? Ill try not to stay away, but please dont worry if it is a few days, will hopefully be at dads this weekend trying to get everything sorted for move, if it all happens it looks like it might be next week!! How scary!! Im trying not to think to hard about it but will need to go and get all mums curtains down etc and put some others up. Anyway take care and ill write again soon
All my lovexxx Amanda
Hope you are doing okay, just take your time and come back when your ready we all understand. You need some light to shine in your life right now, I am sure that your husband will be fine and will find something soon. We are thinking about you
Lots of Love
xxxx Amanda
Hi Nicki, Jodi,and Liz
Hope you are all okay and getting over down days. Nicki I know it is hard to believe and reading your and Jodis post bring back the early days for me, and now I think I got through those days and now it has been a year, you dont think you will be able to do it, but somehow you just do, you just move from day to day coping in the best way you can and grabbing the good days where you can smile when you remember rather than feel sad and angry, with both hands. Our mums brought us up to be strong independent women and thats what we need to try and be, taking some of the strenght that they had when fighting this disease, to fight the pain we now feel. Take care and remember that you are not alone
Lots of Love
xxxx Amanda
I hope you have a good time today and happy anniversary. I hope you enjoy your special day. Make sure you have a few drinks or more to celebrate you really deserve it. love Sharon xxxx
