hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Thanks for your message, it's funny is'nt it how your mind can almost convince you that you can feel guilty about starting to enjoy things again. As I mentioned I do find this diffcult to come to terms with and yet I know that my parents would want me to get on with life and make the most of everything I have. Although my parents were quite young, they did live life to the full, they enjoyed holidays, going out and they were never a couple to stay at home saving money. Thank goodness- I used to say they were always going away and perhaps they should think of their retirement - well thank goodness they ignored me!! Nobody could ever say they did not live or enjoy life, they did and that's great for me now to look back on.
As for us that are left I do try to take a leaf from their book but of course, we do have the ongoing sadness that they're not here and most of the time when I am enjoying myself I'm wishing I could share it with my mum. I'm always thinking about what she would say and do and how we could share the good times. There is just nobody else that can take her place, not anyone so every bit of happiness is tinged with sadness and regret that she cannot have the same enjoyment that I can. But my sensible head knows that could now never be, even is she was here. She was too ill and too sad and even if she had managed remission, I know that it was only prolonging the inevitable.
So here we are back to the same old thing of having to learn how to cope and accept with what has happened, taking each step, each new experience and every day slowly but surely.
I hope you are feeling ok and that you have managed to get some rest today. Just a few more days left now Louise and then yippee a big rest for you- goodness knows you deserve it. At least all the reports are now complete and you can feel proud of all you have managed to achieve.
We're chatting at the same time again!! I am sure the rest will do you good and as for you worrying abiut what may happen if you go away I think that's quite understandable given everything that has gone on already so you should stay where it feels right and comfortable. No point in going away and worrying - the main thing is to have abreak and a rest from the non-stop routine that drives us everyday!
Once Jonathan has left and my students have gone we have one week off and then I'm back at work but my husband is off for another week with Jonathan so that will be good for them both!
I hope you can get to catch up with your friends, since my mum died I have been very poor at keeping in contact with mine all except for one who was so thoughful while I was looking after mum. She is the only one I have ever been able to really talk to, the problem now is her mum is ill (dementia) and she is obviously busy looking after her.
The cats are fine thanks and I cannot imagine either my husband or Jonathan ever considering letting Flynn go!! So I think he is here to stay and my sister has offered to look after them both next week while I get whisked away by my husband!! Goodness knows where to (I'll let you know when I do!!).
I hope that you do keep to the well light roads and that Neji looks after you well, keep snug now Louise and have a good rest xx
Just checked out your web site at school, what a great job who have done. The photos are lovely, the childern (and even the teacher!!) all look so happy and look as if they are having so much fun. I'm sure all the parents must be delighted with everything you do for the, I hope they appreciate how lucky they are - no wonder the headmistress discussed promotion with you. Many teachers would just do the job and not much else, but you obviously put so much into your job even though you're not feeling that great.
I thought the blog was quite funny (once I had deciphered the accent!!), it's such a great opportunity for these youngsters to learn about all the IT and networking resources that are now readily available. Most people have no idea what a blog is or what it can be used for! What a great start you and the school are giving these children!!
Finally before I get back to my prep, I hope you wull be adding your poem to the rememberance site, it was lovely and it would be most appropriate. I have been thinking about it and of course reading the wonderful things already posted by Jayne, Karen, Marie and everyone else but as yet I cannot do that - even after all this time, I need a little more!!
Hope to see you tomorrow, I was thinking earlier, I am wishing the week away for you but as soon as Friday comes then Jonathan goes and I'll miss him very much so once again mixed emotions (not that he's bothered, he can hardly wait to go:)
Hi Louise-ive just looked at the site also.Such a lot of happy smiling faces!!!
I know exactly what you mean about thinking something else is going to happen. i think like that also,and i'm trying really hard not to as if i'm not careful i will be stopping my kids doing anything.i think its because weve lost something so precious,and in your case,both your parents,and the hurt from that is so unbearable that we cant contemplate going through it again,so we stay in our own safe little environments to totally minimise any risk.My eldest is out with his school for the day on thursday-and i'm worried sick! how silly is that!! If i had my way,none of my immediate family would go beyond the end of the road-but i do know that i can't live like that.My eldest is 13 and striking out for more independance all the time,and i know that i do have to give it to him but i do worry about what will happen to him whilst i'm not with him!!! he'll be having the time of his life,each and every time he manages to get away from me,i do know that. Goodness knows how i'd be if he was going ski-ing like Susans lad!! actually, i really dont think that i would be able to let him do it-and that's bad isn't it.
I hope that you will enjoy a much deserved rest over the Easter hols.You're right,Scotland is no distance at all really,and i do know of people who do day visits to this neck of the woods by flying down from Scotland>I should keep quiet, or you may end up with a web site load of people descending on you for a summer mini break!!!!!!!!
Hope you have a good rest of the week.lots of love,marie XXXXX
How are you today?I hope you're feeling better.I read your post on the memory site, its lovely Karen.Our mums and dads are together again now and I'm sure they're doing ok.I hope you managed to get more sleep last night, its horrible isnt it when you don’t get a proper nights sleep (just as well we don’t have to get up and do a days work!!).I didn’t manage to get back on here yesterday, went to bed early and just lay there thinking about everything (like we do), then fell asleep till about 8.30, got up, watched tv, back to bed at 10.00.I hope to see you here later Karen and you're having a good day, speak soon, love jayne xxx
not long for your break now, are you doing anything or staying home susan?
i bet jonathan is looking forward to his skiing trip, you will miss him wont you?
its hard to believe how quick they grow up isnt it? one minute there babies, the next there young men, i know your mum and dad will be watching over him and will be so proud about hes turning out, he sounds such a lovely young man.
i'm so pleased bella and her little baby are doing well, i bet they are so spoilt by you all.
its hard to write on the memory site isnt it susan? as there are no words that are fitting enough about our parents are there? especially our mums and what they mean to us.
i hope you have a good day and not long till you break up now, speak very soon, lots of love karen xxx
Good morning Karen--Glad you slept better.I did as well, though i didnt go to bed till 12pm again.i really should get organised,so that i can go earlier-most nights,i'm still dealing with laundry at gone 10pm and then when and if i do sit down i'm too shattered to move an get myself off to bed!!!!
Your post on the memory site is lovely.i think its good that we have somewhere where we can set something down,that lets everyone know just how important these special people were-and still are,actually.have a good day. bye for now.XXXX
