hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Thanks for your message. Do you have a hangover?? I was good yesterday and actually drank WATER all day AND night, most unusual for me as I usually have a few glasses of something in the evening.
It must be really hard for you Sharon, just seeing your mum as she is now. You will remember how she used to be in time. Just concentrate on the now, on getting your mum through this. I think you're a really strong person, you've come so far with your mums illness, and you've always been there for her, you will always know that you did your best and it will be a source of comfort when you need it. Have you any plans for the weekend? Are you any nearer to getting that computer, I havent forgot what I said about the lottery win. It would be lovely to be able to just give everyone everything they ever wanted. (except I'm afraid I wouldnt be able to do the obvious for everyone, sorry, I wish I could). Unfortunately no amount of money will ever be able to do that. I hope you have a good weekend Sharon, I'm here till about 3.00 if you want to talk. take care, love jayne xx
I haven't got a pc at home yet. The finances won't allwo me to get one yet and its really annoying me now as I want one at home so much but I guess I will have to wait. I keep looking in catalogues but the interest they charge is unbelieveable and I'm trying to get out of debt not get into more. So I have to keep using the library for now. Its my birthday next month not that I feel in anyway like celebrating but I will no doubt be getting money which I can put towards one. Other than that i will have to wait till I win the lottery mind you I haven't brought a ticket for a few weeks. You take care love Sharon xxx
Hi, where is everyone? Is everyone ok? Its really strange here when no ones about. It feels weird no one being here, its like i've opened a door to a room, expecting to see someone, and there's no one inside. I suppose everyone is doing stuff on saturday and will be back later. Hope you are all ok and had a good day. love jayne xxx
A little late, I know. I have taken your advice Karen, Jayne and susan and I am going to be nice to myself and take next week off. Not too sure what I'm going to do with myself...might go shopping in and around London, haven't really done that properly since mum was diagnosed, which is a few years now....
About the palpitations Karen, I have been checked out by doctors and they can't seem to find a reason for it. Scares the hell out of me when it happens and I get a bit dizzy (not great when I'm up a high ladder!). I don't panic really, it passes eventually, I used to worry constantly about mum and that's when it all started.
Hope the weekend is going well for you and you're feeling a little brighter. I was out all day yesterday, out with my sister and then we went to see my in-laws so we were back very later.
I do hope the job interview goes well tomorrow, bet you're feeling a few butterflies in your tummy now. I think you had said you may go round there tpday to have a look- good idea- at least that will be one less thing to be worried about tomorrow. It sounds quite a good job - lots of interesting bits but I suppose you'll need to suss it out more when you get there. I'm sure if it's the right thing for you, fate will play it's part and all will go smoothly.
Bit dull here today although I think it should brighten up later, when is your mum's plaque ready, it must be nearly time now??
As you say, I do hope soon, that all our friends will feel they can come here and spend a bit of time sharing how they feel and what they're up to. It's not quite the same is it without everyone.
Hope to see you later, in the meantime, have a good day. Is your husband off fishing??
Good to see you and it sounds as if you have done the right thing. I hope you will be able to take it a little easier next week although it sounds as if this may be difficult for you!! I think it would also be good to have a few plans and shopping sounds great although quite difficult because there will also be many memories that will come flooding back for you. The good thing will be not having to rush around and I imagine you'll be catching up with friends and family.
As for the palpatations perhaps they will subside as time goes by, it does sound as if they are one of the many physical manifestations of our grieving and I think that Louise had had similar expereinces.
Hope you have a good day and that you will be able to keep in touch this week.
I can understand why it is so difficult for you at the moment and you're really doing a great job. There is, of course, no option, I remember just feeling like most of the time I was on autopilot and that eventually I would just have to stop and of course I did, I had to.
It must be so difficult to see through some days and I know how hard it is to try to keep positive for everyone around, it's just an added constant pressure but there will be a hidden depth of strength and energy on which you will draw and you continue to draw and that will see you through.
When my mum was ill and even after she died, all I had were memories that were so sad and they were just not my mum. I could see my mum everywhere but they were not the visions and memories I wanted. I needed to remember my mum as she used to be even just a couple of years ago and now more than a year on I have this. My thoughs about when my mum was ill are decreasing and more and more my memories are about my mum as she was and the fun and laughter we had together. Nature is a wonderful thing and perhaps it can adjust the way we feel depending on how we need to cope - who knows!! But maybe you can take some comfort from knowing that for me now, my memories are of my mum as she was for me- for all my life prior to her being ill and losing my dad.
Hmm heavy stuff for Sunday morning! Better go and get brunch started or I'll be in the doghouse :)
Have a good day and keep strong knowing you're in the best place (with your mum) doing the best job (caring for your mum)
We're here all thinking about you, hoping that you're ok and that you will feel able to come back. It would be good to catch up soon, we miss you. No matter how low you are feeling you should be here sharing this if you can. We all need to be here for each other, sharing the bad times and making the most of the better times. You do have so much to share and give, so when you do feel able and if you have time, do pop by.
I hope you are managing to have a rest this weekend, are you off next week of do you finish Friday? Jonathan finishes Friday and then he's off ski-ing for a week with school - I will miss him so much but think that I may get awya with my husband - we just need 2 catsitters - one for Bella and one for our little (well actually fat) ginger kitten who may yet be Flynn but we're not sure!!
Did you go to the cemetery yesterday and which flowers did you take, hope the begonias have survived the weather! It is very dull here today but hopefully will brighten up before our football match later today.
