my beautiful mum has gone page 2

Hi Julie

What a lovely message-thank you. I often read your messages on other threads. You’re such a support to others. I’ve lost my dad as well as my mum so we’ll be able to help each other through that emotional day when it arrives.

You take care
Thanks again
Louise
xxx

hi, will be back later, im sitting here with a bag on my head.  no dont worry its not plastic and tied at the neck.  my hubbys highlighting my hair.  having a job to see cos my glasses are perched on end of nose.  speak later.  love jayne. xxx

Goodness Jayne, you had me worried!!!

Send him to me when your finished. my hair costs me a fortune every five weeks.

Louise
x

Hi Louise

Panic over, bag off head and hair looks great.  My husband does a great job, and charges nothing!!  The conversation while he does it is good too.  At least we don’t have to make small talk, we usually watch the tv.  He says he will do yours for nothing, but will have to charge you for travel. !!  How does yours look now you’ve had it cut, I wish I had thick hair, mines like my dads, fine and thin, so I have it layered to make it look thicker.  Anyway, enough about hair.

How’s your day been Louise?  its been a hard one for me but in a way better than my first fathers day without Dad.  My Dad passed on May 31^st with funeral on June 9^th.  Fathers day was fast looming and I was worried about his stone not being there in time for fathers day.  When I phoned the crem to ask them about it, they said they hadn’t received mums cheque and couldn’t do anything till they received it, which was really annoying because Mum had sent it weeks before.  It ended up me having to go there and insist they get the stone there before fathers day so I had somewhere to take flowers and a card.

Anyway, this isnt about fathers day is it.  Its about our lovely mums.

I'm sorry you feel like you’ve taken steps backwards, it may seem like it to you Louise, but to me it doesn’t seem like that.  To me you are in control and doing a great job of coping with everything.  You’ve been to work and coped with all the little ones and helped them make their mums day special, so you’ve done something I could never do.  So you’ve moved forward, not backwards.  I could never have done what you’ve done this week.  Thinking about it Louise, if we had to make a chart (like we used to at school), if we did one with how people had coped and all they had achieved since losing one or both of their parents, I'm certain you would be somewhere in the top of the chart, whereas I would be way down the bottom. 

Chest pains – yes please go back to the doctor if you continue to feel sick, it must be so worrying for you, so don’t leave it, he will understand, so you shouldn’t think about bothering him.  I hope your sister in law is ok, it must be awkward for you pretending you don’t know about it.  Could you explain to your brother that its making it a bit difficult for you and that you would like to know what's going on to help support him and his wife.  Maybe tell him that its worse for you not knowing and want to share this with them both.  He sounds a real lovely brother, just trying to protect your feelings, but not realising hes worrying you more.  Just talk to him Louise.  I used to be able to talk to my brother about anything, but it seems those days have gone.  We never did get an anniversary card from him, not sure if they forgot or if they have just decided they don’t want to know us anymore.  We will see next week when my husbands birthday comes up on 21^st March.  If he forgot, then I will be a bit sad, if it was done deliberate, then I will be really upset.  Will have to wait and see.

Your trip to the cemetery sounded cold!!!  We have had snow, hail, sleet and all sorts today and its going to get worse because today was supposed to be ok and tomorrow was the bad day.  I see you have winds in Aberdeen today.  The basket of begonias sound lovely, and don’t worry about the heads, they will come back Louise.  But I know exactly what you mean about being on your hands and knees, I did it with that one single daffodil.  The things we do…………  oh well, our mums and dads will have been watching us today and saying ‘what on earth are you doing in this weather’??  They will be with us tonight, all snuggled up in the warm and knowing we have been thinking about them today. 

Hi Susan,Jayne,Louise,Amanda,Karen,Sharon, and anyone else reading this-- Hope you are all ok and have got through today reasonably well.poor you,Louise- typical that you should trip whilst carying the plant-thats the sort of thing i generally do. Its bitterly cold here,but no sign of snow yet,although it is forecast.(Bedfordshire) We went to see hubbys mum today and she was very pleased to see us all. as i said on another thread,i have had a few cries today- but to be honest, i do that most days so the fact that its mothers day isn't overly significant, although obviously it was a factor. I got dad a nice blue hydrainger--cant spell!!) to mark what would have been his and mums 44th anniversary on 16th. he was very pleased with it. he had spent a fair chunk of the day up on the downs, sitting on mums bench.he says he feels close to her there. I had thought about popping up today but it has been so cold, and hubby and eldest moaned so much when i asked to go last week that i thought i'd better not push my luck this week as well!!! Clearly i should learn to drive but at 44 i feel i'm too long in the tooth and anyway,i'm a dreadful passenger so goodness knows what a nightmare i'd be in the drivers seat.!! I'm forever pressing imaginary brakes and warning hubby to watch out because of other drivers!! i'm a real "back seat driver" except that i'm very annoyingly in the front of the car next to hubby.it drives him potty!!!!  Anyway- just thought id check in quickly to say hello to you all and send you all my love and best wishes.You have all been a big help to me,just knowing that you are there and that you do all understand can make some really black days seem a little brighter.Take care all. XXXXXX

Hi Susan

Hows your day been?   It certainly sounded as though you were kept busy. Where do you get your energy from and can I get some??  Please.

That’s sad that you couldn’t go anywhere today, but I'm sure your thoughts were still the same for your Mum.  I couldn’t go anywhere either, but then I suppose I'm here aren’t I??  Our mums (and dads) are in our hearts, so they're with us no matter where we are.  I hope you manage to get the rose plant sorted out soon, it will be something you can look forward to in the summer, somewhere to be with your Mum in the next few months and lots of mothers days to come.

2 years ago today? Its all so unbelievable isn’t it.  Time just goes so quick.  I don’t think people realise that we still feel the same, no matter how long its been.  I understand about your Mum and Dad Susan, my dads been gone 13 years this May 31^st and it still hurts.  He was such a lovely man, everyone loved him.  We will never stop thinking about them will we.  The years heal the wounds but the scars will always be there.  We just have to learn to live with the scars. 

Its so sad that you had made plans for your Mum coming home, we did exactly the same for my Dad.  We were told to take his clothes in to the hospital, which we did.  Then he took a turn for the worse, and never came home.   I’ll never ever forget the look on mums face that day when we arrived with dads bag of clothes and then saw him in a coma.  It was heartbreaking. But like all our mums and dads, they are together now, they're happy and well and watching over us.  They know how much we hurt for them, and they know we think about them every day.  We will be with them again one day, and they're waiting for us, just around the corner, they're there for us whenever our time comes. 

Its been a sad day for us all, but we got through it. 

I would like to thank you all for helping me through these months since losing my Mum.  I don’t know where I'd be or what I'd done without you all.  Thank you so much.  Will speak later…..hopefully.  (husband on ebay now !!!!!)

Hi Marie

You're not far from us (Northampton), just ‘up the road’ really.  We’ve had hail, sleet, snow and all sorts today.  Know what you mean about today.  I think I felt worse my first fathers day without Dad.  It was a struggle getting things sorted out, but today has been sad, yet it was calm for me.  There was none of the worry about getting things done…..because there was nothing to be done, apart from miss my Mum.!!  My husband waited till I was in the bedroom before he phoned his Mum and wished her happy……….. which I thought was very tactful of him.  But I got the feeling she asked if we were going out because I heard my husband say ‘no, under the circumstances, I don’t think jayne feels much like celebrating’.  Can't believe she asked really, but there you go, she hasn’t got a daughter so don’t know what its like, not her fault.

That’s lovely that you bought your Dad a hydranger (can't spell it either, but thought I'd try a different variation !!) for their anniversary, what a lovely thought.  Bless him, just sitting on your mums bench and thinking about happy times, that’s lovely that he feels close to your Mum.  I can't imagine what it must feel like losing a partner after all those years.  I often wondered how my Mum used to feel about Dad.