hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
I am so sorry to hear what your friend has been through its heartbreaking. I'm not surprised you've been feeling low with all you've been through, its so hard isn't it. I hope you are feeling a little brighter today and that aaron and josie are both ok. I'm also feeling really low at the moment. The last few days I seem to have hit a bad patch. Mum is also fed up as she couldn't have her treatment yesturday due to her platelets been too low she is desperate to get to end of the chemo but it wasn't to be this week. Its so hard to pick yourself up when you feel so crap isn't it. Anyway you take care and I'm thinking of you love Sharon xxx
I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through. I can't imagine how you must be feeling but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you strength to get through these bleak days. I know its hard I'm struggling at the moment and I'm not going through what you are. Take care of yourself lots of love Sharon xxx
Thanks for your messages.Well, so far today, its been a bit tearful, my own fault because:
I put up mums card from last year, and cried.
I looked through the wedding photo album, and cried at the pictures of mum.
I got my wedding dress out, and cried because Mum came with me and bought it.
I read through all our wedding day cards, and cried when I got to mums.
I watched the video, and cried when I saw and heard mums voice.
Needless to say, I didn’t get a card from brother or youngest niece, but my eldest niece did post one to us, which was nice.The day and evening can only get better.Speak later, or tomorrow, love jayne xxx
Hi Sharon-- youre just in a bit of a bad patch at the moment,but you will come through it-don't worry. Are you going to spend mothers day with your mum?? i guess you might have the added delights of your dad and brother too. I didnt know what to do for my dad as tomorrow will be his first wedding anniversary without mum.I felt i ought to mark the day in some way, for this anniversary at least- so- a friend and i went into our local christian bookshop,and i found a nice little card that just says "thinking of you" and a little framed prayer of francis of assisi which i felt was appropriate because it ends along the lines of there being everlasting life,in death. i may well not do anything for future years,but i thought it would be nice to mark this first one without her, with some sort of words of comfort for him. he is doing amazingly well, but i'm sure that a lot of it is him putting on a brave face.sometimes i think, "crikey- you're not missing her at all are you!!?" but im certain that he actually is. Sometimes he goes and sits on her bench and then he'll tell me later that he's "been and had a word with mum" i think thats lovely, but it does let me know that in spite of his whirlwind of a social life which he has now found for himself he does actually still have deep rooted feelings.i guess after 43 nearly 44 years, that you would have.
I really hope that you do start to perk up a bit over the next few days, but coping with cancer is not at all easy and you will have down times.You are doing fantastically well, and i'm sure that your mum has been so encouraged by your love and support. hope you are feeling ok health wise. talk to you soon.lots of love,marie XXXX
I am spending mothers day with mum I'm cooking her a meal again, but I didn't mention it on here as I didn't want to upset anyone but as you've asked I thought I would say. I don't know what I'm going to buy her yet need to go shopping on saturday for her present. I will have the company of my dad which I could do without but not my brother as he lives miles away and didn't see her or send her a present for her birthday just a card and a phone call, he obviously didn't see it as important like me. I hope your dad gets through tomorrow ok, he sounds like he's doing well at the moment, although I'm sure he misses her like mad they were married an awful long time. It must be really hard for him, but it must be nice for you to see him coping so you don't have to worry about him. I hope you are ok lots of love Sharon xxx
Hi Jayne-- do your best to enjoy the day,even though there is sadness around it. why do we put ourselves through some of these upsets??? i bet you knew that you would cry hearing mums voice on the video, and seeing her writing in last years card, and so on. i do exactly the same. I purposefully look out the letter that she left to be read after her death,and i positively KNOW that i'm going to cry when i see her handwriting. Also, i know what it says off by heart,so i dont need to look, but i do,and then i'm in floods as i imagine how she was feeling as she wrote it. She was just so strong. i don't know if i could write telling people i knew that i was going ,but it was ok- we were not to be sad for her. Where she ends it by saying she loves us all and will see us all again one day, i always cry.I'm crying now. At least we do have these thing though,and maybe as the years go by, we will find it easier to look at them and will do so with a smile,instead of so much sadness. i do hope so.
Anyway, very best wishes for your special day. Stick that bank statement back in its envelope for now,and forget about it until tomorrow!!!!! Do something noce this evening.did you say you were going out for a little while for a meal??? whatever you do, enjoy yourselves because thats exactly what your mum would be telling you to do.lots of love,marie XXXXXX
