hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Hi Sharon-- washing machine is blleping at me so i can't be long!! but wanted to thank you for your reply to me.Sorry to hear that your mum has to wait a bit longer for her chemo.i used to worry whenever that happened to mum,or especially when they had to reduce the dose due to adverse side effects,but the oncologist used to tell mum that it didn't matter if cycles had to be delayed-- it was most important for the person to be healthy enough to have the treatment,and previous chemo would still be having an effect to a degree.Please give your mum my best wishes.Hope your scan results are good when you get them. Will type a longer message to you another time. take care, love marie XXXXX
I was just saying that I was going to move myself, but here I am again, just sitting here getting fat and lazy!!
I'm so pleased about what you said you’ve done with your mums ashes.I think it’s a lovely idea for them to be everywhere.I'd even asked mums sister if she wanted some and she was over the moon.I'm still going to let her have some, but it will have to be our secret……… well ours and everyone on here that is!.I kept just a few and put them in a little casket thing, they're on the dressing table!!My hubby gets little plastic sealed pots from work and he will be getting one for my mums sister, so she can either plant it in the ground or undo the seal and scatter them somewhere.You’ve made me feel so much better about what I'm doing with them.Why shouldn’t we give happiness to other people, its not a bad thing is it, and if it makes us feel better, then that’s good.
You have a rotten few days Marie, what with your Mum and Dads anniversary and mothers day, why do these things come in waves?That’s good that your Dad is still socialising though, I don’t know how they cope losing a partner, it must be like losing a part of your body.I believe my Mum is ok now too, she is with Dad and they're watching over me (although they're probably not too impressed with my day today!!).I believe we go on in spirit.
I've just remembered something that happened on Monday.All morning I kept hearing things in the kitchen and at one point I felt I was being watched, it started to freak me out.But then I thought ‘oh its just me, get a grip jayne’.Then my neighbour came round and I asked him in because he didn’t look at all well (hes 80).And while he was sitting here telling me about what was wrong with him, he looked up and said ‘oh what's that’.I turned round to where he was looking and couldn’t see anything.When I asked him what was wrong, he said he just saw something move out the corner of his eye, like someone was in the bedroom!!!(we have a glass door goes from the living room, through to the hall which looks right through to the bedroom).I told him I had felt like someone has been here with me all day.He apologised for worrying me, but I told him its ok, it must be Mum.He probably thinks I'm mad now.
This thing about “this time last year…….” Some days it just takes up your whole day doesn’t it?I don’t help myself either, I keep reading mums diary and it makes it worse, but I can't help reading it.It is so cruel the way all our mums were taken.I sometimes think that I'm a bad person and I deserve it, but my Mum certainly didn’t, she was a good lady to everyone.But as you say Marie, they're now free and living somewhere nicer with no pain.I shall keep on talking to my Mum and Dad forever.I sometimes whisper though in case the neighbours are out and can hear me in the garden!!
Well I really really am going now.I hope you're feeling better today too.So speak soon, take care Marie, lots of love, jayne xxx(what's the betting when I've posted this, someone else will have replied??!!).
I'm so sorry I haven't replied to any of the posts I had. Thank you anyway. I have been trying to keep up with what you are all doing, it seems that everyone is going through a really down time. Do you suppose it has something to do with mothers day being rammed down our throats everywhere we turn.
I haven't written for a while because I just don't know what to say and I don't feel I have anything to give any of you. You are always so kind and supportive and I think that I felt that until I was feeling a little stronger I shouldn't come on here. Sorry am I making any sense?
My husband is leaving next week and I finish my job on the 30th. Then I have my sisters wedding to look forward to on the 7th April. My poor dad is having to help arrange one daughter's wedding and the other daughters divorce and it was only 5 weeks ago that we lost mum. She would know what to say and do to make things better. Do you really think she can see what is happening?
I don't feel that I am any use to anyone at the moment especially my children. I need my mum to tell me what to do because I just don't know.
I'm so sorry for everything that is happening to you at the moment.Its difficult to find the words to help you, sometimes words aren’t enough.I understand what you mean about not knowing what to say, I had a few days where I kept looking at the posts, but just couldn’t bring myself to say anything, not anything that I thought would be of any help to anyone.So yes you are making sense.
Is there no way your marriage could be saved, or am I asking something that’s not possible.It must be awful for you.What will you do when you finish your job, just keep looking for something or have you anything in mind or lined up? It must be difficult to get excited about your sisters wedding when everything for you must seem like its falling apart.Is your sister supporting you with all that’s happening at the moment?You have had more than your fair share to deal with, but yes, I really think your Mum is with you and can see what is happening.She will be on your side no matter what happens Jodi and will be willing you to be strong.She will always be with you and she certainly wouldn’t think that you're not any use to anyone.You are a caring Mum yourself, and you should feel proud at how you’ve coped with everything so far.Its such a short time since losing your Mum and its going to take some coming to terms with.I don’t know how long it takes, I wish I did.Some days I don’t feel any different to when it first happened, so I just don’t know.We just have to carry on and take each day as it comes, the bad ones along with the good ones.I'm sure the bad days will get less and less and we can somehow manage to carry on with our lives.They’ll never be the same, but we will have to try to adjust in some way.Tomorrow is another day and I hope it’s a better one for you Jodi.Thinking of you, stay strong, love jayne xxx
I’m not long home as we have our team meetings on a Wednesday after work and then I had to walk the dog. I was out with him at 5:45am this morning, as I needed to get to work early so I’m feeling like a 90 year old again tonight. (mind you some 90 year olds have a lot more energy than I have just now!)
I was so sorry to hear of how your brother reacted over your dear mum’s ashes. Try not to let it upset you, Jayne. As you say, he probably doesn’t even realise he’s upset you in any way. Do you think he's acceped what's happened yet? I bet your mum is delighted to be around her favourite places. I have to say that my brother has been great since Mum died. Although I don’t see him that often, he phones nearly every night to see that I’m OK. I was just telling him the other day that I’m sure Mum and Dad would be pleased at the way we have tried to look after each other. I do wish I could talk to him though. We never speak about how we feel and I think we are trying to protect each other. I often wish I had a sister as I think I would have been able to talk more openly to another female-maybe I’m just treating you all as my sisters now!
I know what you mean about wishing you hadn’t gone to the doctors. I hadn’t been near a doctor in years and went down to see if I could get something to help me sleep for a couple of nights after mum took ill. Now I can’t get away. I really hope you manage to get your health back soon, Jayne. I’m home with a BP monitor again and have to go back in a month but if the chest pains get bad again I’ve to get an emergency appointment.
Yes, hairdresser tomorrow-it’s 5 weeks since I’ve been and my head’s like a bush. My hair is dead straight but fairly thick and it annoys me no end. My appt is 3:30 and I don’t let the kids out till 3:20 so I’ll have to zoom along the road. She says it will be OK to be a few minutes late though.
You have a lovely day tomorrow, Jayne. Is hubby working? Enjoy your meal and have a few drinks on me.
Well you’ve returned from Old Trafford. I watched some of it on TV. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Of course you were going to be upset but, hey, you did it. Do you think you’ll manage to go again now? I’ve been about 3 times to Pittodrie since dad died but just can’t seem to face going back at the moment. I’m sure if I was to experience somewhere like Old Trafford then it would be a different story though. How did you feel about smelling your dad’s aftershave, Susan? It does make you think, doesn’t it? I had a strange experience yesterday too. I have a little touch lamp in my conservatory and I noticed it was on in the morning so I switched it off. Ten minutes later it was on again so I did the same again and went for my morning walk. It was on again when I came back. My mum always sat on the seat next to it. Probably was just a surge of power or something!!
How are you feeling now, Susan? Better I hope. As I said to Jayne, I’m home with the BP monitor to try again as it’s still very high even with medication. However my pulse is now less than 100 so that’s an achievement! The pains are still there and seem to have travelled to my back. It could just be muscular so I’ve to try paracetamol and go back in a month unless it gets worse again. Although I didn’t say to him, I am a bit worried about it now. Think I should just be put down!!
What about Bella and family? Is the little one picking up a bit now? I have been thinking a lot about the poor wee things.
Mother’s Day is fast approaching. Have you bought your card for your sister’s little boy yet? We’re decorating our little boxes tomorrow. I don’t think people realise how hard all this is for me though. The children were asking if I was making one for my mum as we had some spares. I could feel the tears in my eyes and had to change the subject very quickly. I have a student working with me just now so she’ll be up to her eyes in hearts and flowers tomorrow. She comes back after the holidays for a month and has 10 continuous days with the class so all being well I will have a little more time to chill out!!
Enjoy your day tomorrow, Susan. Are you working? It will soon be the weekend again.
Louise, I've just read your post to Susan, it was your mum giving you a sign with the lamp. Thats how they do it, they use electricity and water to gain energy aparently. Take it as a sign and your mum is very near. I need to read through everything again. Speak later, just had to tell you. love jayne xxx
You poor thing. My heart goes out to you. It’s bad enough to lose your precious mum but to have to go through everything else too must just be awful for you. Have you anyone else to support you? I hope you are managing to keep strong and please look after yourself, Jodie.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lots of love
Louise
xxxx
I hope you are OK. I’m really missing you both. It’s so strange when some of us “disappear”. I know this is such a hard time for you but remember we are always here to listen and help in any way we can.
