BOB JK My diary of kidney cancer (to be continued)

Happy Birthday from me too, Justin.....

Bob, I keep saying it, like I'm sure you've heard it dozens of times before, just take it steady, no point in trying to outdo everyone else, take care......love and hugs to you all

A good morning to everyone from a sunny cambridgeshire.  The weather here is brilliant at the moment but I think is set to change as the day goes on.  Yesterday went really well and Justin seemed to enjoy his birthday. I did have one moment of feeling a bit faint again but soon got over it. Matt and his fiance and her kids came across for lunch and that was good too but I must admit I was glad when the kids went home as they were getting tetchy and tearfull. Kate had managed to occupy them for most of there visit but she was knackered from her sleep over from the night before. I slept really well last night and did not even wake when Mollie jumped on the bed early this morning. Unfortunately, Linda did and so is a bit tired herself now, oooops.  I am not trying to out do everyone else Moomy, I push the boundarys because thats what I have always done, its my way of dealing with this illness and so far it has stood me in good stead. I will not give in to this illness whist I have a say in the matter. I do understand though,  that we are all different and deal with things differently.  I am hoping we are popping in to cambridge in the next couple of days  as I need kate to pick Lindas birthday present   from Kateas of course I cannot drive in myself. I would take the bus (if there is one) but I know that would cause too much stress at home with everyone wondering if I have passed out somewhere. I have taken next week off as holiday for Lindas birthday  and Kates half term and also booked another week off when my sister comes across from Santa Barbara in a few weeks time.  That gives us some real quality time together to do lots. The week Sally comes across is the week I go for my results of scans so I hope its all good news so it doesnt put a dampner on the visits.

Dear Bob

Thank you for your posts and allowing us to share in your life.

My husband is still undergoing treatment, he will be halfway through his chemo with the next session this week. Another three months to go. Like you he is determined that he will have as ´normal' a life as possible in spite of  visiting the hospital three ( on a good week) and four (on a chemo week) times a week. He is getting more and more tired with the chemo but won't give in to it and still works when he can, does the gardening and is getting bothered that his list of jobs about the house are not getting done as fast as he would like. He was checking the paintwork on the windows this morning and has been re cementing the cracks inbetween the stones in the courtyard. He says he will have a lot to do in the spring and can't leave all the maintenance jobs until then. I don't know where he finds the strength, I know how tired  and ill he feels at times and he is wiped out for five or six days after each chemo session. I feel sure if it was me I would just want to curl up and hide under the bedcovers.

To keep his spirits and determination on the go we have booked a holiday  for next May  and hope (and believe)  we will be able to take it. I know not everyone has your (or my husbands) kind of courage but I truly believe that allowing others to share in your daily life  through this site gives an enormous amout of help and encouragement to them.

Thank you

Elena

Hi Elena

Thanks for your reply and it is my absolute pleasure to share my diary with you and everybody else that wants to read it.  I am so pleased that people do find it a help and it also helps me as I can write down exactly how I feel without fear of upsetting anyone (I hope).  Its really good that your hubby can still "push the boundarys" as I swear by it and it really helps me to keep in control rather than the illness controlling you. Good for you also for allowing him to do this. Im sure you, like Linda,  finds it hard at times when you can see we are so tired and want us to rest up but also you realise it just woulnt be us if we did.  When we really have to, we do and to me thats all that matters.  Today we have had a great day. We popped into Cambridge and bought Kate a few bits for a rather special party she is going too tomorrow. She is off to a recording studio with friends to cut a disk, hows that for a party. She also gets to keep a copy of the disk.  We have just devoured A chineese takaway and are getting ready to suffer, sorry, I meant watch X factor and then doc martin. NO WORK NEXT WEEK, HURRAY!!!

We went to bed about ten last night and again I was wide awake by four in the morning so the day so far has been spent lazing on the settee trying to get some energy. It has worked and I do now feel better and  have been in my study with Kate wrapping upo Lindas birthday presents. We have just done a spot of lunch and now its time for a rest again.  My cough seems to have come back with a vengance but hopefully that will subside in the following days ahead.  I am tending to feel a bit better generally but need frequents rests in between jobs.

hmm, i too need a rest between jobs but think its due to my age, Bob, lol! I'm getting no younger......haha!

Retirement was supposed to free one up to do all the stuff we wanted to, but my body hasn't heard my wishes, it just won't keep going like i want it to! (Mind you, finishing off a new kitchen-and there is a lot to do- might have something to do with the exhaustion) We often say that as one gets older one has experience and skill to be able to do lots of things but with age also comes increasing tiredness and less physical 'oomph' to be able to do it all!

I actually am a poor advert for 'taking it easier' myself and like to plod on...and on.....and on......till sheer exhaustion takes over, lol! So even though I advocate you giving yourself a rest now and then, I do appreciate that you want to continue as much as you can! Just temper the activity with a wee rest now and then!

My love and hugs to you all

I will Helen, promise. I think ive got to the stage where common sense has to take priority and if that means more rests, then so be it, although only whilst absolutely neccessary. I slept really well last night after a equally restfull day. I did not get up until about seven and feel well rested. We have been talking over various options, one of them being to downsize on the house. When we originally bought this house, just before I got ill it was our intention to "do it up" and then sell.  Although we do like it here it is a bit big for our needs and looking with our sensible hat on, when im not here it will be even more too big. Also I want to do all I can to help my family whilst I can and by moving now and settling into a smaller property we can concentrate on spending all that left over money. It would be nice to have a bit of a project to do. Its only a thought but one we are mulling over.

I remember from taking Sutent the first time round it gave me terrible wind but this time it seems to be kicking in with a vengence, even the dog looks at me and then trots off to the other side of the room.  We had a chinese takaway the other night and that is not helping matters either.  I feel  better every day and hope to get back to my "somewhere near normal " energy levels pretty soon. Soon we are popping off to the shops and then Linda is off out to lunch with one of her friends so I guess it will be a quiet afternoon for Mollie and me.

dear bob,

What would we do without our dogs!   i have 2 labradors; the elder one is 12 years old and slowing up a bit unless there is food around, and the other is 21 months old and doesn't go anywhere slowly!

Total, unconditional love - and a good sounding board because they keep secrets very well.

Sue x

Happy Birthday to my soulmate and lovely wife Linda,  ** years old today

Happy Birthday Linda

Kay