Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
oh hunni, dont beat yourself up about it, your going through a really rough time as well, and he probs deserved it anyway................lol only joking hun, you have a lot on your plate, and that can change your character cant it??? love and hugs babe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
thanx hun. this weeks been terrible wiv him, he assaulted anuva teacher yesterday, so now i have to go and take him out at break time, then fetch him home at lunchtime. was told ysterday by CAMHS that its my fault hes like he is cuz i had PND and cancer xoxox
dont listen to what they have to say hun, thats rubbish, if a childs got it in them to play up and be naughty nothing you do will change them, hopefully as he gets a bit older he will calm down, but it must be so stressful for you with everything your going through, love and hugs xxxxxxxxx
