Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
My dear Charles! Haven't heard from you in ages my little chicken, so how are you? I'm eating stilton cheese and got music on so i'm chilling and good!!!
Darryl is very well and doing good. we have decorated the hall stairs and bathroom and starting the living room next week so been very busy!
Was just wondering if choccy would go with stilton cheese? as i think it sounds quite yummy what do you think?
She's always been a mystery!! (not really darling just joking) if I'd bought her to you it would have saved the very early mornings etc but she's worth it, I said to mum today Im used to her going out with friends and staying at her friends house or at her dads or holidays with him and his family but this time seems really weird, cant explain it why but it does!!
Have a change of scene for a while tomorrow as its Angies birthday so me and mum are going over to hers in the morning (yay i get to see Samuel again) its weird as ive not seen him since last thursday whereas with Mia I saw her daily the first few weeks plus my uncle and aunt (dads brother) is coming down as he wants to go to the crematorium then see Samuel and visit Michaela and to see mum and me, his heart is in the right place but its as if he trying to replace Dad which he'll never do (no disrespect to him) but he is so morose, when you talk to him on the phone and ask how he is he'll sigh and say 'oh so so not too good' then ask how we are then go silent, dont mean it in a nasty way at all but we dont know what to say to him as we feel we've lost someone more important than he has (not been around for a long while but always there when family ill) whereas my other uncle is totally different though we talk about dad its always the nice things, and besides more than anything mum doesnt need the morose side of it and i now feel bad for slatting him but i dont mean it in a horrible way!! sorry ive just really waffled when all i was saying about was Angies birthday - Sorry!! Think im in for a longer night as absolutely chucking it down, think it time to get that hammer out and knock that bloody conservatory down, is it raining where you are?? Lots of love hugs and firemen T XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hi All Things are really tough here at the moment, duracell bunny is so poorly and weak, Seems to me this chemo poison is shortening her life and its so scarey, i kinda unravelled on the rant thread yesterday and kind pople made me cry and I couldnt stop, Dad insisted I went to sleep for a coule of hours and i felt a little better when I awoke but then straight back into mums room and watched that Dads hands were shakeing so much he was spilling mums meds trying to get them down the peg, and mum was so drowsy she had wet the bed, so two hours sleep and was back on the coffee, this probably isnt makeing much sense, I am constantly intouch with the hosp, but so cross that bank holiday cover is so poor, mac nurse will be out tues, keep her hydrated yeah great, anyway i love you all i hope Michaelas ok, Darryl and you all are doin ok, will keep logging in to read even if I aint got energy to post Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
am sending you a great big hug which you really need at the moment, sorry your poor mum is so rough at the moment, kate i know exactly how your feeling mate its awful to see someone you love so much dealing with all of this, if your worried at all make sure you phone gp so he can come out and check on her, my heart goes out to you hunni, i am here if you want to talk, thinking about you babe tons of love karen xxxx
hi teresa, how is michaela doing hunni, hope she is a bit better today, have you heard any news yet? hope your ok too. sending lots of love and hugs karen xxxx
hi mel, hope everything ok hunni, and that darryl is feeling ok, dont eat too many easter eggs!! thinking about you all lots of love and hugs karen xxxx
what did gp say? do they think she should be admitted?, i remember my mum pleading with them not to go in its heart breaking mate i know, is it the chemo thats making her so poorly at the moment? dont worry about swearing its how it gets you babe xxxxxxxxxxxxx
sending you a basket of easter eggs with lots of love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
