Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
My heart goes out to you sweetheart. I wish your mum was with you too baby but she is there in spirit i know she is. I'm here in person to take her place for you anytime, i know it's not the same babes but i love you very much and you really do mean the world to me.
I'm sending you the biggest ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!! you could ever have and hope you can feel me with my arms around you and holding you tight and looking after you. I just wish i could hold you and brush away your tears have a chat and tuck ou all comfy up in bed to look after you.
I can understand you missing your mum when you feel so ill and low. Kirsty was ill this morning so i tucked her up on the sofa made her lots of clod drinks with ice in and gave her painkillers and her koala bear which she has had since she was born, then just laid down with her stroking her hair until she fell asleep. so yes I can understand how you want your mum but hope i can help you with that pain just a little.
You take care my little one and i'm still hugging you love and hugs mother hen mel xxxxx
Oh Karen Babe Im crying with you, know what you mean about Mel she has such a way with words, you do Mel, Daley and Kirsty are so lucky to have you, my puter is slow so im about a fortnight behind, cry Karen babe, its so awful missing mum, we are here sweetheart and so understand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hope your having a good sleep, and dreaming about wonderful things. did you get your phone call to pick up your carol? hope she had a great time at the party.
i was one of the choir with you one night on 24/7, nearly cracked my laptop screen with the high pitched singing lol
hope you will come and see us all here again soon, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
Don't ever think you sounded horrible about your brother because i didn't take it that way at all. I'm sure he will be fine and if he's not then you can only do what you can do babe.
I'm sure it's nothing major with him either as i'm sure they would have kept him in hospital if it was something serious, so try not to worry.
I'm always here for you whenever you need me of that i promise sincerly from the bottom of my heart. I feel like we are all a little family now and like we have all known each other for years instead of a few months!
I love and care about you all very much and anytime you need me i'll be there
your words are so wonderful and heart felt, i hope i havent made you feel any worse, and sorry kate i hope i havent upset you. mel, what you said made me think of mum, your so caring just like her, i wish i could be more like that, i love my boys to bits and would do anything for them but dont think i am that overly motherly if you can understand. that sounds awful dont it? cos i love them more than life. i also miss my dad as much as i do my mum, but mums are mums arent they? do u understand what i'm saying lol, hope so cos i dont know if i do??????????? love u both lots and thats from the heart xxxxx
