Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hey chickie karen Bubba kirsty was very scared of her auntie spiderman karen! lol Night night babe sleep well and be good Will post on here tomorrow as soon as i get home to let you know what happens with the onco Thank you again for tonight Take care love you loads Peace out Love and big hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear MHM, haven't been on your thread much at all, in fact at the moment am up at Caz's doing some work so she will get a big surprise, T has done her 'desk' in her room and I have grouted the downstairs loo which was tiled over the last couple of visits.
Have missed you yet again, but wanted to send you and your family my love and lots of hugs as you face yet more appointments, babe, hope it is better news than you fear......
hey all my chickies Sorry i never got back to you sooner but it's been a very long day today. I'm afraid it's bad news yet again :( Daz tumour has regrown again and the reason why his face is swollen and he has what looks like bruising on his chest is because the tumour is in the middle of his chest and is pressing on his main arteries and his windpipe (hence the breathlessness too). The Onco told us that it is serious and he wants Daz to start Radio on his chest in the next 7 days. He has put Daz back on steroids the awful Dexamethasone that Daz hates as they make him really anxious. But he has also given him lorazepam to help with that. Daz has to take a high dose of the Dex for the next 2 weeks. Daz will be under a different onco for the radio. The onco explained to us that where the tumour is it is a bit like a hose with something pressing on it, so it causes a backflow. This is what is happening to Daz blood supply it is trying to find alternative routes to flow as the artery is being pressed on. That is what the bruising marks are on his chest, it isn't bruising but where the blood vessels have expanded to try to cope with the extra blood flowing through them. I hope this is all making sense to you all?
So we are back on this journey yet again eh? I will keep you all updated as to how things go. I am around for a while yet if any of you are about and want a chat. Thank you all so much for your support and kind messages it has really helped me the last couple of days. I would be truely lost without you all. My hero's forever Love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hi Jo Thanks so much for your kind words they sure do help. You're right this journey isn't fun at all. Iv'e lost count of the times i thought stop the train i want to get off!! I don't mean that in a nasty way, just it's so hard isn't it? I love Daz with all my heart he's my whole life, but why does this always seem to happen to the good guys? I will never know. I would be totally lost without kind people like you on here it means alot to me to know that what i feel other people feel too, or have felt. No one knows how very hard this is until they have been here. It's the hardest thing iv'e ever had to do in my whole life for sure. I just read your profile (hope that was ok) and you have been through so much but you still have time to help and support people like me and for that i am honoured and proud to know you. I really don't know how i'm going to find the strength after Daz has gone, and i find it so overwhealming that kind people like you inspire me that i will find the strength somewhere. I really am so grateful to you for taking the time to leave me a message and i truly mean that. I hope you and your two beautiful boys are okish and staying strong you are all wonderful and your husband will be so proud of you all. Thank you again love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dearest MHM, am so sorry to hear about Daz hun, sending you and your family bucket loads of love,((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) and kisses and to say if you need to talk am here for you. loadsa loves shelliey xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
so sorry you had more bad news yesterday babe, am sure daz will start to feel bit better very soon with the meds and the radio, bless him!! i am always here for you hun or at the end of the phone please remember that. am stood right beside you and holding your hands, and hugging you so tight!! speak very soon babe, love ya loads
as always sending you, daz, kirsty and daley millions of hugs and buckets of love your chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear MHM, along with many others, you and Daz have been in my thoughts and prayers so much, am so sorry you have'nt had better news from your Doc....but again, I send my love and hugs to you all.....
Dear MHM Im so sorry the news wasnt better for you yesterday, i am thinking of you and your lovely family every day holding your hand send you bug hugs and i hope you are looking after yourself aswell take care MHM speak to you soon Thinking of you loads of love chickie sue flat butty mophead madwomanxxxxxxx
