Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Paul, your family wouldnt want you to go through this alone, you sound like such a caring guy, putting others first, ive been contacting dads friends he hasnt seen for a while, cause theres nothing worse than ,why didnt someone tell me.You still at work? wot do you do? im off work at mo ,but i work nites usually, body clock haywire, thats y im up all nite xx
Teresa, guess i am. got a friend whos kevin keelans daughter, showeing my age he used to b a goalkeeper for canaries, dad is an ardent supporter, my grandad gave me some letters dad sent to him and my nan wen dad was doing his national service in Cyprus in them he asks how Norwich got on, that was b4 i was born.Poor old Delia she,ll never live that down, theres been a street named after her called "letsbe avenue" bless xx
feathers, cross keys, the railway, windmill, ex-service mens club and the snooker club...frequented the last 2 more often than not as cheaper drink and 5p fruit machines...god I miss it down there, had met the love of my life but had probs so wasn't to be!! what's the pub where there's 2 entrances kings head? queen something (near woolies) xx
its paul here you no a scar is just a scar it means you been hurt most people think just that it might jogs someones imagination as to how you got it but it realy just means you had to be fixed I do no how you feel it can be hard when people look longer than normal at you but all our brains react to somthing that is not seen everyday and sometimes it takes longer to compute somethig like this .I to have three scars on my left uper back and under arm is what looks like a cat flap one going across 4-5 inches one going down about 4 inches it looks like an L shape .o a little one inch on the right and I use to have my hair short very short but I had a lump removed from the back of my head so have a 1 pence size indentation .If you can excuse my humore for a sec I look like a patchwork teddy bear ha ha with a button for on and off on my head .I went to swimming with kids and because I have lyphodeama and can not put my arm staight up I was swimming in circles .the only thing I could think about was if 1 of my kids got into ant bother could I help them .so stupid but these things make you think more .insadentaly 1 off the scars on my back was a van accident I had been in were I was driving a works van and a car hit me from the side about 60 mph with such force it though me out of van and I rolled under and got crushed between my van an a taxi that had not moved away from the lights yet .I think its quit funny as I have already had extra time on earth and I look folward to every day I am here I have over the years since that crash in my job saved peolpe from burning house fire stopped a distraught woman from jumping of a motorway bridge at 6.30 in morning at the hight of rush hour traffic. because I just think I am luck to be here and would help anybody who needed it .enjoy everythig that you do let others worry about how we look we look human dont we not perfect not flawed .I found it hard when I met someone and you no got to no each other I though as soon as I told them what that scar was and what was wrong with me they would run as fast as they could..but I had to tell because I think they had a right to no I exsplained and after a few weeks gave her a booklet on melanoma stage three just to make sure everythig was out in the open that was scary as I would and could have been alone again .but glad to say that didnt happen who no,s .But your scars will fade and you can feel comfortable with yourself before then swimming good for scars because it keeps then subtle and the streaching will help with the tightness GOOD LUCK AND HAPPY SWIMMING PAUL MEL3
i am a concierge in the high rise flats in glasgow it keeps me busy soz the last post was meant for someone i pressed the wrong button am on the tea i no about the body clock wont sleep cant sleep ha ha even when not at work I can only sleep for a few hours
Teresa losing my thread on these threads!! saw u connoisseurs discussing your vino , mine was reduced by half, guess thats y i havent got to put lemonade with it, well makes me feel posh ,dont care wot it is as long as it says 13%. Get my quotes from all over the place, have written em down over the years XX
Yup paul im a bit cant sleep, wont sleep, though wen i do get my head down i manage a few hours.Like the patchwork teddy bit , i like teddies well worn and well loved xx
Paul, how brave are you?? not only in how you are dealing with what you have but in the things you've done...the words Hero and inspiriation comes to mind and as for having to tell others what is wrong because of the scars and the way you 'feel you look' you don't have to explain yourself, you're you and thats all that matters...I say the same to my daughter (although no scars but hair loss etc through treatment) she is more beautiful to me now than ever because of her bravery and strength in dealing with this, I so get wound up (as I did with my dad) that if we're out for a walk and people pass us and they stare...Why? p'haps for me that having been a daughter that saw the looks and now a mother that see's them...sorry I've diversified a bit there.. Am glad that you have now met someone and she takes you for who you are and not what you have wrong with you... I wish you well and keep posting to let us know how you get on With love to you and your family Teresa xx
Shezie...thought I was losing me threads lol!! said about the pubs in wymondham (still on this page I think), make sure you keep posting some of them quotes..especially some funny ones for a giggle eh? xx
Teresa , never privie to x service mens club and snooker club meself, u must have been privalidged, frequented the others though, dont no about 2 entrances pub !!! yeah lovely part of country sad things didnt work out 4 you . Mayb one day...... well offer there i got a spare room, my man away during the week xx
