Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
lol thanx MHM, im just feeling really low, i think its just the hanging around not knowing whether im coming or going, the possibility that this bastard thing cud be bak wiv me, and if so knowing what the next 12months are going to entail, how my kids r guna cope etc etc, then theres all these probs wiv ryan and them laying the blame at my feet, its just everything getting to me it all seems to happen a once and i cant cope wiv it xoxooxox
hey my chickie strawberry shortcake Shell Babe you are going through a lot just now' Now take a deep breath You are the best mum in the world your Ryan will turn out good babe i promise he will grow up and take responsibilty for his own actions in time none of this is your fault. You have done your best for your little lad and he knows that really deep down. I can understand how worried you are about him and i have been in the same situation as you a few years ago with my kids being little wotnots but it will work out he will turn out to be the best lad you could wish for i promise. My kids as adults now admit they never gave me an easy time in the past and they are so lovely now and so supportive to me and their dad. I know it seems never ending when you are going through it all but it will end sweet. As for your other worry about you having to go through all the cancer over again babe you got through it the first time yeah? You fought the brave fight and you got where you are today with sheer determination and will power so whet makes you think you can't fight again? You are so brave a nd courageous. And i know what you're gonna say "how does she know what i am she don't even know me!" Well hun i know cos you wouldn't be on here asking for help otherwise! You would just quit and give up! You are stronger than you think you are just now Daz said he would never go through chemo again but babe that's exactally what he is doing now! He is my strong man and if he can do it babe you can, i know you can we will all help you. We are all here for you every step of the way babe You lean on us for as long as you want cos that's what we're here for ok? I will never let you down sweet and thats a promise You go kick ass yeah? Love you loads i'm here still holding your hand love and hugs your MHM forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i agree with all MHM said, my eldest was a nightmare now she is my best friend, will be here for you all the way, love and ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) dianne xxx
hey my chickie strawberry shortcake Shell No thanks needed at all that's what were all here for sweet We can't be happy all the time babe and trust me if you read back over some of my posts i have had some wobbly times my self! But i get through by talking on here about it cos only people on here know what we are going through and how we feel eh? You cheer up chicken and i'm here for you always If you wanna talk about anything you can p/m me if you prefer ok? It's funny but i say cheer up chicken to Kirsty too so that makes you very special indeed! lol I'm awarding you a gold award for being so courageous and brave and for never giving up and fighting on with your Ryan and this crap disease! They only go to very special deserving chickies hun you know that so you wear your gold award with pride but i expect and acceptance speach though! lol Cheer up chicken! Love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxx
lol i will definitely wear it wiv pride hun, u deserve a hue medal/trophy hun, u 2 diane u r an inspiration to many as are a lot of ppl on this site, and i dont know where i wd be at the mo if it wasnt for you ladies on here, thats not ment to sound like a speech either lol xooxoxoxoxox
