Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Dear MHM My heart aches for you so now let me hold you hand and travel this journey with you you have so much love here i just so wish the news was different loads of love to you Daz and kids will speak to you later (((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) loads of love and massive hugs chickie sue butty mophead madwomanxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My dear chickies Helen Juls and sue butty Thank you all for your kind messages of support they mean a lot to me. I guess this is just another hurdle to get over and stay strong for my Daz. He has gone back to sleep now i think the news has exhausted him blees his heart. I truly wish i could have given you all good news and i'm so sorry that wasn't the case. I was convinced that daz just had a virus and was tired due to the radio on his head i relly wasn't expecting this at all, although Daz said he was. I just wish he had told me so i could have prepared myself a bit better at the hospital as i just broke down and cried. I had a chat to his lung nurse Sandra while daz was having his blood tests and she said we really should think about funeral arrangements sooner rather than later. But i haven't a clue how to go about this. Daz and i have talked in the last few months about sorting that all out but we just have never got around to it. I think we both was too scared to really. My sister said we should do everything now that we want to do. She even said if we want xmas in july then we should go ahead and do it and she'd even dress as santa for the day! lol Bless her i know what she means as you can't get memories back can you? I really haven't got a clue where to start about anything at the moment i think i just need a few days for everything to sink in then maybe i will be able to sort things out a little better. Thank you all for being here for me i love you all very much Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
bless you, MHM, you can arrange a funeral at any time, (a good Director will help you through).....but now is too soon, you need to get over the shock of today....Just set to and plan to enjoy the time you have together and build loads of memories for all the family.....love and huge hugs to you both....xxxxxxxxx
Hi chickie Jo Thank you so much for leaving such kind supportive words for our chickie Kate i'm sure when she reads them they will give her some strength and know we have been thinking of her and love her very much
Thank you also for your kind words to me they meant a lot and i really do appreciate all that is said. I hope your day has been better and that you are well? Take care and thank you again both from me and on Kate's behalf. Much love and big hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear chickie Helen I agree with you it's just too soon to be thinking about runeral arrangements at the moment but it is something Daz and i both wat to do in a few weeks time when hopefully he feels a little stronger and will be in a better frame of mind for both of us.I am just going to P/M you my numbers in case you want them Much love and big hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Mellymoo,I am so so sorry to hear your news,but you have so many friends here who will stand by you and daz no matter what it takes.You have been so strong for so many people,now lean on our shoulders,so that we can help you at this most difficult time.Unfortunatly words do not convey how we feel at this time,but be assured you and Daz will be in our thoughts and prayers constantly.Sending you and Daz loads of love John.
Oh Mel, There is nothing I can say to make anything any better for you, but I am always here for you love whenever you need me. Sending both of you massive hugs lol Den xxxxxxx
MHM, im soooo sorry to hear your news hun, ive been so wrapped in my own stuff i have only just read your post. I am thinking of you both and send u huge big ((((((((((hugs)))))))))), and kisses. loadsa love shelliey xoxoxox
Oh Mel, and Daz, I am so sorry, so much for my dressing down before I came back to UK eh? I really thought it was like you said, because of his immune system and that he had got a virus (well I was hoping anyway), but having said that they also told me that Rob only had a few months - he had nearly 2 and half years! Im not saying that that is the case with Daz, just saying while there's life there's hope, and we have to cling on to that, what else do we have? As your sister said, do everything and SAY everything you want to do and say now, I am just so so sorry Mel - what can I say, there's nothing that I can say will make you or Daz feel any better, Christ I am so sorry, Love and hugs to you both Lynne xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
