Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hey my chickie sue butty mophead madwoman! Good to hear from you babe have p/m you hope you got it ok? will post later to let you know how daz gets on and thanks for your message of support. Love to see you with plaits bet you look well sweet! lol Hope you're bearing up today sweet and you know where i am if you need me? Love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey my chickie Karen You have no reason to apologise so no worries there ok? You have been much support to many of us here sweet and you need time for you too so don't you worry about that. I will post later to let you all know how daz gets on today when he see's his onco Dr Shah. I'm sure it will be all ok so i'm not worrying too much about it. Have to go now to get ready for the hospital but i send you much love and big hugs forever Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickies THIS IS AN EMERGENCY AND A PLEA FOR HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Chickie Kate has just txted me to say things are really bad and she has no credit left. I have tried to ring her back but her phone is off so presume she has gone back into the hospital. I have to leave to take daz to the hospital now so was wondering if any of you could try to ring her to make sure she is ok? I will be ringing her again when we get back but i'm so worried about her i just want someone to check she is ok I hope you can help Post again soon love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My dear chickies I'm really sorry to tell you all especially as i know we have all been so worried about our chickie Kate and i wish i had good news to tell you all, but sadly i haven't. This is so hard i feel like i'm telling my children all over again. Honeys chickies you have to be strong now ok? You have to not be sad for us and be the strong chickies i know you all are?
Have just come back from the hospital and Darryl's tumour has come back with a vengance. His onco Dr Shah has said that he wants darryl to start second line chemo this thursday. Darryl will be having a different type of chemo this time called CAV i'm not sure properly what this is yet but have got some info on it so will read that when i have posted this. Darryl now has months left as opposed to the 3 years that was given for him at the beggining of his diagnosis. We are numb at the moment as you can imagine but i'm determined to stay strong for Darryl and you all must be too ok?
We will get through this and we will survive i just want Darryl's last months to be as happy and painfree as i can make them.
I really am so very sorry to give you all such bad news and i am ok so no worrying about me ok and that's an order from your MHM ! lol
I love you all so very much and hope the day is better for you all
You all take care and be strong love you all so very much love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxx P.S have tried to ring chickie Kate again but her phone is still off has anyone else had any luck contacting her as i'm very worried about her and just hoping she is ok and that our DB is improving a little? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
MHM, I am so full of regret that you didn't get better news......love to you, Daz and the family and just to say, am here for you too.....love and hugs....xxx
