Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hey Lisa welcome to my thread and you now are one of my special little chickies and under my wing! You won't get rid of me now so sorry bout that! lol It's good to see you post here ande you're welcome anytime. All my chickies are lovely and have much experience of many things so when you chat to them you will find they are all so caring loving and supportive you will never feel alone again How long agao did your dad pass do you mind me asking? You don't have to answer anything you would rather not ok? Much love and big hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey chickie fran Oh babe i'm so very sorry you are so upset and not feeling very well at the moment I hold your hand babe and will always be here for you. You're never alone and i send you big big ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))0 of support and love I can empathise with how you feel and it must be hard when you are feeling so low to try to be strong and positive. But babe you have made the first step by reaching out to us and we are here to help you get through this pain and struggle you are feeling. I wish i could be there with you to hold you tight and give you strenght but sadly all i can do sweet is be here with you and hold your hand and send you lots of cyber strenght to help you feel a little better. Are you not sleeping very well tonight sweet. whats keeping you awake are you in physical pain? I hope this is helping you in some way as i know i don't always say the right things but i do care so very much and i am here for you. Much love and big hugs MHM xxxxxxxxx
Hi Mel... hee hee hee...glad to be here with such lovely warm people! i have just sent you a message... not cos i wantto keep things private... just so i could see how to do it...lol
My dad passed away on friday the 4th of May 07... so i have now got through all the 'firsts'... and today is now my 2nd Fathers day without him :(
i will be back here later .. I got a 3 year old that will be waking in a few hours ..so i need to try to sleep.. Thanks again for your wonderful kindness and support!
tried everything to get rid of it. I also have thrush from the antiboitics I am taking so that's not helping either. I have cream for that..
I have had 5 lots of chemo with 3 lots of chemo to go and getting fed up of all the side effects. Then have to have radio to the site which I am not looking forward to.
Feeling a bit down. I try to be strong and positive but its taking its toll now. My partner is great bless him and he tries so hard to keep things going and me going too.
The nights are far too long.... Things go round in your head. It Fathers day tomorrow and mine's not here. maybe that's why I am upset..... He passed away in 1996 when I was 34yrs. I miss him..
My mum passed away last year. Finding it a bit hard at the moment.
hey chickie Lisa Have just replied to your P/m babe You sleep well and hope to catch up with you again very soon I'm here if and when you ever need me Sweet dreams have a good day Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hye my chickie Kate I thought you had fallen asleep again with ya laptop! lol God idea giving up i would have too stupid things they are eh? lol Beavis and butthead now watching zone reality some cop programme, think the ghosty thing scared them! lol Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fran you arent being silly love, you have been and are going thru a terrible time, my heart goes out to you, I hate the thought of you crying, today will be hard but hopefully tomorrow will be better xxxx thinking of you xxx
hey my chickie Fran Oh babe i feel for you i really do! Thrush and heartburn are not nice at all and when you don't feel 100% yourself they must feel unbearable. Darryl had 6 sessions of chemo and he wasn't too good when he had that either so i can imagine how you are feeling right now. You say you are not strong sweet but you are stronger than you think Your are strong cos you have never given up You are strong because even though things are unbearable for you you still fight on You are strong because you are kicking this crap disease in the bollocks and not letting it beat you!! You are strong because dispite everything you carry on with your life when many people would have given up! You are strong because you are a fighter and not a quitter!! So sweetie even thought right now at this very minute you don't feel very strong you infact are stronger than you think you are! I feel so humbles when i speak to people or indeed my Darryl tooo who have this awful illness and still they fight on with so much courage i'm sure i would never have. You are doing really well and i'm so proud of you even though i have only spoken to you a few times You always make time for other people and you face this battle with dignity and courage You be proud of yourself sweet cos you have come a long way already and you're still battling on! I love you sweetie and i'm holding your hand and travelling this journey with you Much love and big Hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I just wanted to say to Fran... I just read your story and my what a rollercoaster ride you have been on seeemingly for years....with losing both your parents .. and your sister having breast cancer too.. and your own cancer to now deal with.. So to me you have already shown such strength and determination .. but yes i can well understand that sometimes that may fall by the wayside for a bit and you have some bad days... its ok to cry.. cry as much as you need to... just make sure you see the next day as a new day.. and a new found strength... its there in you..you have proved that time over.... I do hope you start to feel better soon.. i wish you a full and speedy recovery and sending you ((((HUGS))))
