We Talk Brain Tumours

Debs - my virtual sister

What a wonderful idea! Good for you. We will miss you desperately of course but we aren't going anywhere. Come back and visit sometimes. And tell us of your exploits in the unique and funny way that only you can.

Big hugs.

Pam

x

Oh Naomi and there was me wondering if you were part Greek......hilarios!

Pam I will come back and tell you all about my many mess ups (will be here a lot then!) and will still sit and have a cuppa tea and read the posts, I just feel I don't have much to offer right now.  I will be back to wish you love & strength for the funeral xxx

Love & Strength to all who want or need it xxx

hi all - not sure if this is correct way to post, have been reading for a while hugs to all on trian...hubby had biopsy/debalking on the 7 feb, just waiting for results. Andrea x

Good for you Debs.  Go have some fun and pop back to the train whenever you want to.  You take care of yourself and your family xx

Martyn - so good to see you here, sending you love and support

love to everyone Joanna xxx

Debs, I too have times when I don't feel I can contribute to what's going on, but I do read as I'm sure you do.

You'll remain in our thoughts and our hearts.  And we always welcome your love, support and stories.

You're beautiful.

Hi Martyn

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Don't worry about the timing. As you know life is so topsy turvy for a while afterwards. I am still receiving cards and emails from all sorts of places and suspect this will continue for a good while yet. I hadn't realised just how many people knew him. It's been lovely to hear what other people think of him. Although I have to admit that, at times, I wonder if they're really talking about my grumpy old Tony, they say such lovely things! And, of course, being his wifey I saw the warts and all! I'm glad you felt able to post. I think of you at times and hope that you're doing OK.

I am currently immersed in the funeral arrangements. People are treating me like I have an enormous mountain to climb in terms of organising things but, to be honest, I've moved house five times (twice across continents) in the last 18 months (on my own as Tony was working away) so organising a funeral is a doddle. I am disliking the funeral director immensely and only chose him at Tony's father's suggestion. I wished I'd gone to the Co-op!

I'm assuming that most of the clients that come through his door are probably in various states of grief and it is normal for him to step in and perhaps, to an extent, do their thinking for them. But I'm completely the opposite to that, I have everything planned myself right down to the last detail and I don't let the sentimentality of the occasion muddy the fact that he's a businessman trying to maximise his profit. So I didn't really respond very well to his assumption that he and the vicar will decide the content and style of the Order of Service and he will print it. He has given me a number of examples of printed Order of Service and, quite frankly, I could knock up something more professional on my laptop! I also wanted the tone and content to reflect the informal nature of our 'Celebration of Life' and the ones he showed me were formulaic and unimaginative. Fortunately, I worked in marketing for years which has given me access to some top designers, artworkers and printers so I made a quick call yesterday to some old work colleagues. So  now Tony's Order of Service is going to get pimped by a professional designer and printed by a top class print company. I will write the words in a way that more accurately represent Tony which is so important to me. I'm probably obsessing about petty things but it's all for the right reasons. It's made me want to check out the state of his limousines though, there's a worry that we may be making our way to the church on a wheelbarrow! Oh Lordy!

In honour of the kind of generous and fun loving person that he was, we have sent an open invitation to anybody who wants to join us so we're expecting a church full. Fortunately, the church is only five minutes walk from our house so everybody is coming back there for the wake. Not sure how we're going to fit everybody in but we'll have fun trying. We will be honouring Tony's passion for barbecues (which regularly saw us standing in the garden flipping steak in the pouring rain) and have arranged for a hogroast to be set up in the garden! He would absolutely love that I know. All of his rugby mates are coming so I suspect there'll be a song or two sung. He loved a good sing song. He was always singing at the top of his lungs. Sounds a bit mad but one of our favourites was Jerusalem and we would often sing it at the top of our lungs on a long car journey just to keep ourselves alert!

As usual I'm rambling. Must get up and walk the dog. In my wisdom I've arranged for the decorators to paint the lounge so downstairs is going to be a bit chaotic for a few days. I've finally got my appointment with the registrar today to register Tony's death and pick up the certificate. This should at least mean I can now get on with some paperwork.

I will check in later to see how you're all doing. Sending hugs and chocolate to those that need it. Bit early for wine perhaps.

Much love.

Pam

x

Hi Pam

My husbands Celebration of His Life was just that. Everyone there could recognise the man we were all talking about. Think we got it right, we all congratulated ourselves afterwards any way!There were people laughing with us in church too, including the vicar, because she picked up on the humour in our lives.

 As to recognising the man they were all talking about, well, like you, being a wife, one sees warts and all etc. but they did make the family smile cause we all know different! .

It doesnt stop us from loving him or missing him like mad.

Keep it up Pam, you are still going at it full pelt as always I see.  No half measures from you, best way to be. I either put my heart and sole into something, or dont do it at all.

I am absolutely positive that Tony's funeral is going to be something that people will remember and smile about for some time.

My thoughts are very much with you and yours.

Love and Hugs

Respect.

xxxx

Mrs SG! I'm not inspirational I'm just a pain in the proverbial control freak who likes things her own way!

But if I seem to be organised it is because I spent a lot of time beforehand thinking of all of this stuff, exactly for the reason you said. So that I don't have to do it now when my head is on backwards. The only problem is, people who ask me what I'm doing about this and that, get a straight answer, and then assume  I'm making decisions without thinking things through when in fact I've done nothing but for months. I just haven't spoken openly about it because it seemed inappropriate before Tony had actually gone. So there are quite a few 'Are you sure this is exactly what you want, maybe we should wait a while and have a think'. Mainly my father-in-law. It's a bit irritating but I suppose he's anxious that it is a fitting farewell too. He's not overly mad about the hog roast but tough. It's Tony's send off and, as I explained, a person's final farewell is the last place we should apply tradition. A person's final farewell should reflect the person who has left. No floury ham baps and a tepid cup of tea for Tony!

I'm currently looking through some poems to include and came across one of my absolute favourites. It always made me cry when I've read it. It's by Alfred, Lord Tennyson who wrote it after the death of his best friend. So, for no other reason than I love it I've included it on here so that I can make you all cry too! 

SUNSET and evening star,
    And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
    When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
    Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
    Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
    And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness or farewell,
    When I embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
    The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
    When I have crost the bar.

Sorry I suppose I should be waffling on about this stuff over on Life Upstairs and Over the Road (I can't remember what it's called, fluffy brains today) but I can't seem to make the jump.

Big loves to all. Now off to tell my father in law that we don't want to share one bouquet between 100 of us, as they have suggested. He's got a bit of bee in his bonnet that the flowers are overly expensive and just get left to rot ten minutes after the service is over. Fair point but the kids want to do their own thing and that's good enough for me.

Laters potaters. Much love to all who need it and even some to those that don't.

Pam

x

Just wanted to say 'Good for you Pam'
My father died last year and loved playing mein host, so from the start we were going to send him off to Mum in style. Luckily our funeral director was superb and understood where we were coming from.
When my father was at a loss for words (not very often) he would say 'Oh rhubarb!' so we had that made up in rhubarb coloured flowers. I often wonder what went through peoples minds as we drove to the church.
Even the cars and the hearse were silver! 

You go for what you want, its Tonys day.

xxxxxx