We Talk Brain Tumours

My daughter is  17 next month and sitting Highers in 2 May. Prelims last month did not go particularly well, no wonder. How can they cope with studying at a time like this? She is planning her holidays in the summer and I dont want  to dampen her enthusiasm, but the summer seems so far away. They have to live their lives.

Cx 

Dear catg

My 17 year old daughter now in floods of tears, says unable to cope with school, wants to drop out, unable to concentrate. A levels in June so nearly there. Tried very hard to find her councelling, school could only offer nurse, she went to see gp but he didnt have time to talk about her dad. Does anyone have any advise please?

Opal

OMG - they shouldnt have to go through this - its bad enough for us.  Opal, have you contacted macmillan? The mac nurse may be able to organise councelling, Is there a local cancer support group near you? they also usually have a councellor. Also, the local hospice, they must have access to councellors

My son is at university in USA, he didn't want to go back in Jan 2010 when he first learned of his dads diagnosis, somehow we talked to him and he understood his life couldnt go on hold so he went back on the promise I told him everyhting, so I do - thank goodness for skype.  The university have been amazing and had a councellor made available when he returned last year, I am so grateful to them and it takes some of the pressure off me

JMS

Hi All

Opal, do you have a force centre near you?? we have been offered counselling from them, my dad has been and he found it a great help, unfortunately mum dosn't feel strong enough to go she said she can talk to me, so I am happy to fullfill her wish xx My daughter sat 6 exams last week, her school were extremely helpfull, they even said we could re-sit later due to the circumstances if needed, could this be an option?? sorry if I am not helping, but thought I would try,  how hard is it to put the words down you want to say?? but they never seem to come out right!

On a positive note (I think) we have hospice nurses visiting Thursday and now waiting on oncologist to see if radiotherapy can give us a few more weeks, I can only hope, but think is it worth mums pain and all the hospital visits for her as she is so tired now and changing everyday, but hey we had a good day today sat in the sun chatting and laughing xx

LOVE AND HUGS TO YOU ALL think of you all, all the time knowing we are all going through this hell xx 

Dear Opal. Many hospitals have a teenage and young adult unit, treating cancer pateints between the age 16 and 24 years old. You might be able to ask your oncologist if they could speak with them to point you in the right direction with regards to counselling.

Teenage Cancer Trust will support teenagers who have other family members going through treatments, as will CLIC Sargent. And of course Macmillan may also be able to help.

Clic |Sargent produce very useful booklets for teenagers and these can easily be got on line. Failing that ask for them at hospital when you are next there.

Love to you all PEABS XXXXX

Sorry..one more thing. within the Teenage and Young Adult Units they do tend to have social workers and youth workers. They supported our  family ....and are still continuing to do so 8 months after my beautiful daughter died.

It's worth asking.

PEABS XXX

Opal,

Gosh, my heart goes out to your daughter. Nobody should have to experience anything like this at such a young age. As someone else has said, please contact CLIC Sargeant - they can also write to the examination boards and apply for special dispensation due to exceptional circumstances. Please try and reassure your daughter than nothing would give her dad more pleasure than to see her make a success of her education. I'm being patronising now, of course you're already doing that. I apologise.

Funny, I had the same experience in the dentist last week. I also keep willing the warmer weather to come as I hate winter then it hits me: dad won't be here to sit in the sunshine with a pint. My 4yo daughter was washing her hands today and she was using the wooden steps my dad carved for my sister 41 years ago (he was so creative with his wood carvings til the trembling robbed him of that pleasure too).

I don't come on here often as I have had many periods of bleakness recently but please feel free to message me as I will always answer.

Good luck.x

Thanks everyone for their kind replies. I will never forget the look of sheer panic on her face last night. I have persuaded her to go to school today and have asked gp for urgent referral for her, found a private councellor at 45.00 per hour but if that what it takes, it will be much harder when her dad comes home with 2 carers three times day and overnight sits. Life is so hard. I got really upset when I heard guy in bed next to my husband complaining to his visitor how he is kept awake at night with my husbands shouting and crying..just want him to come home now..

love to you all. Keep strong (always makes me cry if anyone says that to me)

opal xx

Dear Opal

Had a couple of tearful days myself....and my daughter always uses the school run to ask probing questions which invariably have me crying at the wheel. Its just proves that you think they fully understand everything but they have always taken something different from a conversation.Probably because as my daughter said"You refuse to use the hard words" so I suppose I have been putting a positive slant skirting round words I dont want to use.

i too have used the fact that it would make Dad happy if you were to do well... 

We are fortunate in that the school have been very understanding and guidance and other teachers have taken the time to speak with my daughter .  They say that they will put in extenuating circumstance letters to Examination Board. As JMS suggests ,we have various Cancer Charity groups at local level all of whom offer counselling services. I mentioned this to my daughter and she said that she would like to do that. I was stunned....she normally does not like talking feelings. She is better than me...I have had any number of people suggesting that it may be useful to "speak" with someone. I just dont think I can handle the level of emotion that would burst forth...how to get it all together again afterwards. Has anyone else done it?? I dont know why I resist.

I find offloading here very helpful though. Thanks All

Cathix

Dear Cathi

I have opened my heart to our gp a few weeks ago, used all his tissues, but did feel better for it. He did give me Citalopram antidepressant to take the edge off things. Suppose this site is enough counselling for us all as it is so good to be able to offload here.

I thought clic Sargent was only for children with cancer? Think my daughter has bottled things up for so long all now come to a head.

love Opal x