We Talk Brain Tumours

sending you love.....lots and lots of it.....

jackie xx

Julie

I too am in the process of bringing my man home to care for him through these final stages. The process of getting that organised is tiresome but it sounds like you're doing brilliantly. 

You will find the strength to get you through, as will I. It seems to come from nowhere but for those of us who love our men so much, it will come. I honestly believe that what we are doing now is the purest form of love there is.  I hope you get to make a few more lovely memories yet.

Sending you what strength I can spare.

Much love.

Pam

x

Julie.... Many hugs and thinking of you lots.

Chansey..we have not "met" but your post is inspiring. Wishing you strength and positive thoughts for today.

Love Cathi

Good to see you on Pam. Hope you are managing to get some rest? You are right.........this is incomparable love. Selfless and asking nothing in return.

love Cathi xx

Sending love and strength to all who need it today especially Julie and Pam.  No matter how exhausted you feel you will get through this.  Take every bit of help offered and get visitors to wash up cook or clean for you, they will relish being able to do something to help

take care joanna xx

Julie,

Thinking of you and Alan. You are quite right - no need to explain, everyone here understands. Yes it was your last night in your marital bed but you can still lie along side him or even bring your chair next to his bed and lie your head on his chest - this was all mum could do at the end as dad's skin was very sensitive to touch.

I think you are doing brilliantly well and just as you say, you will find the strength from somewhere.

With love,

Naomi.xx

Pam

You are so very right - this really is love in its purest form, I remember writing something similar on Facebook after witnessing mum help dad. You are helping Tony to have a dignified end to his life and surrounding him with love. When we are stripped of everything we own, love is all we have.

I am so full of admiration for you and all carers. I know you do it willingly and lovingly and wouldn't have it any other way, but even so - to me, you're all amazing.

With love,

Naomi.xx

Ah, I lost martial bed rights the night before I took Ali to her second biopsy last spring.  When she eventually came home again, it was to the hospital bed downstairs and me sleeping in the camp bed beside her.

But yes, Julie and Pam.  Accept whatever help you can get from friends and family.  I found it a huge help to have people give me freezer friendly meals that I could just defrost and pop in the oven.

It was a fairly quiet time for me.  Ali slept increasingly more in the past few months and I got into a routine waking her for her meals and other matters, but letting her sleep for the majority of the time.  In her sleeping periods, I didn't feel the need to sit constantly by her bedside.  I watched TV for a large amount of the day, but from my seat in the lounge, I could easily see her face in the dining room.  I talked to her as I went about the house (well, more talking to myself).

In a round-about fashion, I'm trying to say that this process wasn't stressful for me, I was relaxed and peaceful because Ali was relaxed and peaceful.  I knew that if she passed away during the night without me waking up, then it would have been a very peaceful passing.  If she had happened to be in distress, it would have woken me and I would have taken the appropriate course of action.

When she finally did pass away, I felt a kind of relief that she was free of this.  I've found that I've not really felt upset over her passing and I feel bad for not feeling bad.  I just feel emotionally lonely, even though I have good friends and family around me.

Two months on, and the memories of those endless days of caring are fading away into the past.  I have memories of a few events, but the tedium has gone.

I feel as though I want to move forward in 2012.

Pete - when my dad passed away, the biggest emotion I felt was that of relief. When you're waiting for the inevitible, it is a blessed relief when it comes. It felt as though we could all breathe again, as if we'd been holding our breath all those months.

When you love someone, the last thing in the world you want is to watch them suffer. I can't believe I'm about to write this because I miss my dad every day, but I felt a sense of contentment once he'd gone. It felt as though he'd been set free. That probably doesn't make sense but it's the only way I can think of wording it.

Naomi.x

Also Pete, my mum feels exactly as you do. I can't begin to imagine how it feels to lose your spouse but mum feels as if she wants to move on now.

The way she looks at is that she is a very young and active 64, she may have another 30 years of good living left. She doesn't want to spend the rest of her life looking back. Much as she loves him - and half of her heart will always belong to him, she knows he would be ready to live again had the situation been reversed. That doesn't meant that she's ready to meet someone new, more that she wants to live again. For twelve months mum didn't leave dad's side. She devoted herself to him - and wanted to. Now she relishes having some freedom again. We are both realistic that she won't always enjoy feeling so free but for now, is is entirely right for her.

Also, now we've lost him it feels as though we realise how precious life is. You never know when it could end. We have to make the most of each and every day, even the crappy ones.

Keep going Pete, Ali would be proud of you.

Naomi. x