Hi all. 14 months ago my 58yr old husband was diagnosed with stage 4 metarazised prostate cancer. Mets to bones and lymph nodes. Hormone treatment and chemo last year have left him stable in terms of scans and psa. Although worsening pain to pelvis/hips where biggest of mets are. I am massively struggling with the mind talk of everything. What the future brings im 41 and we have 2 young children 8 and 5. Just everything really, add the diagnosis and sudden death of his youngest sister to pancreatic cancer in may this year. Everything just feels so surreal and when I tried to broach after months of bottling up my feelings my husbands response was I dont know why your feeling down your not the one dying of cancer. Any one else have any tips or ad ise on how to clear your mind of the irrational thoughts that pin ball around I dont wanna waste any time we have left and want to make happy positive memories as a family where we can
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
My name is Steve and I am one of the community champions. My experience of cancer is via my wife who has Leiomyosarcoma, she had two types of chemotherpay and her cancer has been stable now for over 10 years. When Janice was diagnosed our son was about 8 and we have been lucky so far to get really good support from his schools.
Something that helped me was looking at your feelings when someone has cancer as being able to recognize those emotions as normal and valid helped me feel a little less overwhelmed. Later I did a living with less stress course with Maggies. The mindfulness bit helped me to live day to day rather than worrying about a future I could not control but could easily paint worse than actually happened. The conscious breathing exercies were good too both for helping me relax and get some sleep but also when life decides it is time to throw us a curveball.
You might also like to look at our pages on talking to children, it can be hard but we found that it was easier to be open.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi just popping by to say welcome and to offer a hug 
This is a huge situation to get your head and heart around. Your feelings can get parked whilst you are in a flurry of shock and appointments and treatments and side effects and disappointments.
I bet you feel like you need to be strong for your partner and children.
This natural if course but you yourself need a whole lot of love and care too. Is there anyone around just to support you? Do you have a Macmillan hub or local Maggie's centre?
There is quite an age gap between you and your partner and even without a cancer journeys in the mix, that means your life views, expectations and concerns may be in a different place.
Life ain't at all how you imagined it would be and please don't find my next words hurtful. Your partner may now be saying things and acting in ways that are difficult to experience.
Do you feel you have to make allowances for him and accommodate his feelings and mindset?
Prior to his health concerns were you each able to discuss your feelings? Did you have productive 'rows' that cleared the air and moved things forward?
Have you felt able to challenge him lately?
You probably have not had time or given yourself permission to grieve for the life and plans that you had together.
Other than his medical treatment, has your partner had an opportunity to discuss his emotions and thoughts about the future with anyone?
Your concerns are not less valid than his and you need a safe space to let out your feelings be they worries, anger, stress, disappointment etc
I am sure you are doing are a fabulous job of looking after your family and I am glad that you have reached out to the wonderful folk here for support.
Good luck and another
