Honestly I’m living the nightmare no one can understand I feel stuck in a glass box whilst everyone is still able to live. I’m still currently grieving my dads death he passed away suddenly last year whilst I was at uni and I dropped out to be with my family and to take a year to readjust and it was nightmare I finally feel like this September I felt good to go back to uni and 2 days into uni my mum hasn’t been doing great the past month complicating about stomach issues and finally got her scans back saying she has uterus cancer that has spread to her lung her kidney her liver basically all her organs and that she can have treatment but no surgery and that it’s incurable which I’m guessing that means we should start organising our issues. We still dealing with my dads death and sorting out our finances I just started to feel normal again and now my mum is in hospital and my finances are slipping have to constantly train up to see her and down to go to uni I don’t want to drop out again I want to finish university I’m the first in my family to you.
I feel competent alone I’m already grieving the idea of being an orphan at 20 I’m very young already only know 2 people going through grieving their fathers and that helped but I don’t know anyone that’s losing or lost both parents at a young age. No one will be at my wedding I feel like I’m in a live nightmare like someone is playing a prank on me.
I don’t know what to do with myself. How I will be able to be mentally and push through university I’m even doing architecture and product design and I feel as if I’m already starting to lose who I am. I feel numb constantly I’m trying to keep it together for my family but it’s so hard and I’m just so jealous of everyone around me because they have had so much time with both my parents and I only got 10-19 years with both of them. They will never see my graduate or get married or have kids and most my family won’t I feel completely different and lost I feel as if there is no right way to move on from all of this and I don’t know what kind of support to get or where or how. And financial support to be able to go up to the hospital to see my mum every weekend I can’t work my job if I’m constantly having to go up to see her. I don’t know what to do. .im the youngest my brother is almost in his 40s so he has time to be with our parents more they had him young but my parents had me in their 30s and and I only get this little amount of time. I already struggling so much to keep it together and now you are tellling me I’m gonna lose my heart and soul the one person who truly understands me.
Hi Turtle101
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
Sorry to hear about both your parents, I did not lose mine until somewhat later in life but with my mum it was really out of the blue so can understand a bit about your dad. My expereince of cancer is via my wife whose cancer is incurable but treatment managed to render it stable and it has been that way for over 10 years now and it would be hard to say there is anything really wrong with her.
Hopefully the student services at your university will be able to support you some. Then something I found quite helpful was looking at your emotions when someone has cancer as being able to recognize the emotions and accept them as normal and valid I found helped them be a little less overwhelming.
Remember if it helps you are more than welcome to ring the helpline 0800 808 0000 anytime between 8am and 8pm 7 days a week, I know I have cried at them in the past and they are very patient and helpful. Do post on here whenever as someone is always listening.
<<hugs>>
Steve
