Hi. Im totally new and totally lost right now 
My husband (early 50s) got his cancer diagnosis yesterday! Im honestly still in shock. It feels like im watching someone else's life when I replay in my mind the conversation with the dr then cancer nurse.... I couldn't look at my husband as I felt so useless like i would burst into tears. I really thought this was a false alarm and he would be fine!!
Then that blur of so much information and the what ifs?? A pet scan to come to determine if its spread. So no treatment plan yet. So the fear and waiting....
Im trying to be strong for him but inside im crying. I wont cry infront of him as I know he is scared. I broke down with a friend earlier - then back to being ok infront of my husband. I dont know what im meant to say or do??
So angry - why him? Why our family? I know that sounds so selfish. I just feel like I dont know how to keep putting one foot infront of the other and keep moving right now!!??
My work have kindly given me a few days off to try to process & come to terms as best as i can for now. I have a job where I cant be sad or tearful infront of people. My husband is going into work today (i cannot understand why and feel he should say he needs a day to process as its not even 24 hours since diagnosis!!) All I want to do is be together and keep him with me! Irrational I know - but i feel we need time to talk and process.
I live with a disability and my husband is the fit, healthy reliable partner and parent!? He is never sick.....so his diagnosis has rocked our family to its core!! Im sorry if I sound a bit crazy and emotional but I cant sleep and my mind is going into over drive. One minute im feeling upbeat reading people's blogs etc - then im convinced he is going to die because of something else ive read or watched!!
Please can anyone offer any advice on how to get through this awful first few days/weeks after diagnosis? And how to cope with the waiting for further scans and then the wait for results (if spread) and treatment plan??
But most of all - please can someone tell me what im suposed to do or say right now to support my devastated/scared husband (who is trying to carry on as if yesterday didnt happen in my opinion??)
We have a gorgeous 2 month old baby grandson & we went for cuddles with him after the hospital. It was the distraction we needed. But as soon as we left (hours later) that feeling of gloom, dread and reality hit us both and we said as much to each other on the car journey home. This is the reality of our life now.
Thank you for taking the time to read this x
