Dad has cancer

love him! i’ve only recently lost my dad and through his whole diagnosis, all the chemo and still even now the steady thing is the love i have for him, and how i showed that. This diagnosis will change what people ask your dad, who shows up, it can become very overwhelming to your dads life, i just tried to the constant normality for my dad - joking with him, watching all the movies he loves etc. you’re his daughter, just by that alone you’re a reminder of who he is at his core without all this stuff he can’t control taking over! 

p.s i know people just say this, but really i have been where you are, i am here for any weird thoughts or just to get it out

Hi Bella. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. My Dad has just been diagnosed with cancer too, I am probably a lot older than you I am 43 and lost my mum to bowel cancer 2 years ago. I have a brother who is 20 years younger and I worry about how he is feeling. Do you have any other family members and friends who are involved in your Dad's care? I found that family and friends, the right ones, the ones who you can trust, are such a source of comfort and support. You are not alone in your fears. 

I found this forum really helpful with mum and I found the nurses were fantastic, I think making sure you are ok is the best thing you can do for your Dad right now, have you got some counselling support? This is also a lifeline for me. I hope you are ok. 

First off, thank you for this reply it means a lot ️ and I am so sorry to hear about your experiences, I have support through friends and my therapist, I am not close with most of my family (even my dad) so it’s been difficult, but I know I’m not alone! 

I’m sorry to hear about your dad ️ everyone on here is so strong, but thank you for this! It’s going to be tricky because I’m really not close with my dad at all, but of course I’m not letting that get in the way right now

️️️ In some respects that can be more difficult because it can stir up all the complexities of a complicated relationship. My dad is not actually my biological Dad but he is who I think of as my Dad, it was my biological Dad it would be really difficult to navigate on top of a really difficult thing to navigate (hope that makes some kind of sense ) Sounds like you have found a good place and am so happy that you have good friends and therapist, they are worth their weight in gold! Look after yourself and I hope for the best for you all. 

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. My parents divorced when I was 8 and my dad remarried, and his wife made things awkward for the relationship I always longed for with my dad, he died from bladder cancer April last year, and his wife who lived off him booked a direct cremation less than 24 hours of him dying, which destroyed me, even though i offered to put two thousand toward a better send off for him, but was told it was her decision. Then to hear some of the things she had said to others about him, and all she was worried about was getting his pension. 

Now my mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer, and i was always the one to take her to all her appointments, but she kept it from me, and my son was taking her, and when I found out I asked if I could come with her for the results and had a flat no. I'm not allowed to ask anything as my son said she was told about having a mastectomy and it was in 1 lymph node, as she is an independent 87 year old with bronchiectasis and kidney disease, she got worried hearing about maybe having to have dialysis afterwards, and she told me she doesnt think shes going to have the op, and i have to leave it there. Please feel free if you want to talk more about your dad, as i know how hard it is when you aren't close, but it still hurts just the same x

Thank you and I am so sorry to hear about your own experiences, it can be tricky as I’ve never bothered trying to become closer with my dad because of past events, just because it can feel so awkward and unfamiliar, so having to do so now feels very strange but I’m not letting that stop me. In some ways it hurts me more knowing because of all the past times we could’ve connected and just didn’t, I feel like I’ve wasted so many opportunities with him and a connection we could’ve had, but I suppose it’s better late than never

It most certainly is better than never, you at least will know you tried. I thought there would be more chances to see my dad, as he had no ill effects with his, and had gone to the garden centre to get some extra stuff to plant his runner beans, but came over funny inside the place, where the people who knew him went over to him and my dad said to them he didn't feel well at all, and then slumped down, and the manager gave him cpr until the air ambulance took over, but they never got him back.

Now with my mum keeping things from me has killed me, and I found out yesterday that they weren't going to treat her with anything, and Google has asked me if it's receptor + or - and I just dont kn.