Hi,
my husband has dropped two cups of warm tea all over himself recently. He says he has been trying to help move his phone etc, but ends up knocking the mug of tea all over the bed sheets and himself. Thankfully I only put warm tea on the table so he doesn’t get scolded but if a carer makes him tea and puts a hot mug on the table who knows what might happen. I’m reaching the end of my capacity to look after him..it is 24/7 and nearly 18months of constant stress and anxiety. I am always being told by doctors and nurses to ‘monitor’ health issues as they arise. I am not trained in ‘monitoring’ anything but do my best to phone the GP or DN at the appropriate times. We have carers coming in , supposed to be for four visits a day but my husband has reduced the visits to twice a day . He is worried about the cost of care. We pay for it because we have worked hard and saved and have earned good pensions.
I don’t care about the money and would rather have the support but he has a different view. I am tired, rambling on, not making much sense because our lives don’t make sense anymore. My husband’s adult children are all busy and too far away to help. I have sisters but they are too busy and don’t get along with my husband so don’t want to get involved. This all feels like an endurance test with no end and I am beginning to flail . Just needed to say that to you. Thanks for being there.xx
Hello Teatowel
You just can't go on doing what you are doing - I know you love him very much and want to care for him - but if your health is taking a hit both mentally and physically you need help.
I don’t care about the money and would rather have the support
* You need to go back to 4 carers visits a day - just tell him - he needs it = it's not up for debate.
* You need to consider a break - is it possible to have a week or two weeks with him in respite care - just to give you a break - walk the dog - do things you want to do and even have a holiday.
* I know and you know he doesn't want to go into care, no one does, but it would benefit both of you. What happens if something happens to you, who's going to look after him then? It's time after 18 months to have that chat with him - it's not going to be easy BUT you must consider your own well being.
I know my message will sound harsh, but I am talking from personal experience in looking after parents, there is only so much you can do, Your family aren't going to help so sit back and think - can you continue as you are?
Kind regards - Brian xx
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