My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer which spread to her lymph nodes, its not curable and is having chemo to keep it stable and not spread but I know one day, the chemo will stop working or her body will not be able to tolerate it anymore and it will spread.
I can't imagine a world without her and she's only in her 50's so has so much left to live. I'm trying to live in the moment and enjoy all our times together but in the back of my head I know one day she's going to deteriorate and I'm going to have to watch her become so unwell and eventually pass away and I cant deal with that. I will end up being her primary carer when that does happen.
I've come to realise recently that subconsciously I'm avoiding seeing her, because every time after I see her I get upset so I think my brain is trying to protect me. It's such a constant battle and just want to know that I'm not alone in feeling this.
