Thought I have no words in all of this but turns out I need to talk to strangers on the Internet. Actually just signed up to this about 10 mins ago so here goes nothing.
My mum was recently diagnosed with stage 4 stomach, throat and now liver cancer. It all came on really suddenly she went to the docs beggining of May, within 4 weeks of that appointment we've been told she has 6-9 months.
She started chemo and immunotherapy, I think shes has 3 sessions of chemo, and 1 of immuno of which landed her in hospital with meningitis.
Don't really know what I want to say, but I feel like an absolute bag of shit. Everyday is a struggle to get through. I can't fathom being without my mum. She's dying but I feel I am too. It sounds so unbelievably selfish given what she's going through physically and emotionally. My close family keep telling me I need to be strong and it's not fair on my mum for her to see or hear me so upset (she lives in Cardiff I'm in London so we speak alot on calls which ends in me crying) my siblings live close by to her so can see her whenever. They also have their own partners and children but I have neither - maybe it's easier for them as they have those kinds of distractions.
When people tell me I have to put on a smile it makes me want to punch them square in the throat. And when I also see others living their lives and having a lush summer I think "how dare you be happy and smiling, don't you know my mums dying, the world needs to stop turning right now"
How ridiculous of me.
Don't even know what I'm looking for by writing this, I wish someone out there could give me instructions on how you're meant to continue living life whilst someone you love is losing theirs? If anyone has the cheat sheet, the hack, the step by step instructions please reply.
If you read all of this, wishing you all the love and strength in the world. Xxx
