Just found out dad has metastatic cancer.

cc81785 1 month ago

4 replies
15 subscribers
144 views

So recently my 73 year old dad's health has declined, He thought he had pulled his back while opening a window, and was hoping it would get better, then the heatwave began and he continued to get worse, he lost weight, and started spending more time in bed, his speech began to slur. I tried everything short of ringing an ambulance, gave him electrolyte drinks, kept him cool with a fan and when i wasnt at work was giving him drinks and making food. But in the end, I called my sister after I came home on my break from work to find him still in bed I told him I wanted to call an ambulance and he bluntly refused as he hates hospitals after a previous visit for a heart attack. I'd be checking on him via my echo dot and could tell he was still in bed and coughing so that was when I asked my sister to visit him.

When she arrived he slowly got out of bed and she helped him downstairs, she fed him a little and got him some water and paracetamol for his back and even gave him some deep heat. She came to my work and bought some cakes, and when she left he was sitting eating his cake watching TV. 15 minutes later I got back to find him on the floor hunched over shouting me to help him up - he could not get up even with my help and started hyperventilating and I thought he was having a stroke so I rang an ambulance.

After 5 hours in the ambulance we were finally seen, a litany of tests were done and then we received the news that along with pneumonia and an infection (both of which are treatable), he has tumours in his liver, bones, and maybe his lungs. This is the worst possible news, its incurable, and until they find the primary and do a biopsy we have no timeline. I've felt emotions today I didn't know I could feel. I've had pins and needles in my face and arms from crying. I think they said he had aneurysms in both his legs as well which is what made him unable to walk.

We didnt have the best relationship but the past year we have had the best relationship in decades. I came home after my sister told me to go home and rest, and I saw the rug he was making and hadnt finished and probably never will, I saw his hot water bottle, I saw his ipad which he played games on. I saw the ice lolly stick which he sat and enjoyed the other day..it just breaks my heart.

He has taken it well, he's more concerned about my future than his own. I dont know how long he has left, but I dont know how strong I am to deal with seeing him decline.

Millibob 1 month ago

Hello cc81785

A warm welcome to the Macmillan Online Community, although I am so sorry to find you joining us. I am Brian one of the Community Champions here on the Community.

I have just noticed your post has gone unanswered so by me replying, your post will be "bumped up" to the top of the group and i hope seen and answered by other members of the group.

Having read your post a couple of times, I can understand how dad's condition has hit you hard. At least now you have a good idea what his issues are and once his team get a full diagnosis sorted out things will become much clearer.

The Community has another couple of groups you may wish to join where when you are ready, you can post and receive help from others in the same or similar situation and here are the links you need:

Carers only forum and

Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum

Our Support Line is also there for you and your sister and indeed anyone affected by cancer on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week)

I hope the above helps. If you need any help in navigating the Community please don't hesitate to contact me.

Best wishes - Brian.

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Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

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cc81785 29 days ago in reply to Millibob

Thank you for your response, i am actually sleeping quite well, its just as soon as i wake up that gnawing emotional turmoil begins again. I honestly dread going to the hospital, every slight change is terrifying, and i spend each night wondering if this is his last.

Its made especially more difficult as he has hypercalcaemia which is making him tired, unable to walk and theyre blasting him with IV fluids and antibiotics.

I genuinely hate it. I just want him back home sitting in his chair watching countdown. I hope they can get him back stronger and more alert.

cc81785 28 days ago

Update, today we were given the news that the primary is in his lungs, he has tumours in liver, spine, and peritoneum. No chemo, no radiotherapy as it wont help but make things worse. He had hypercalcemia, which is slowly going down, and as he becomes more awake and aware i think its making him quite depressed.

Today has been his most active day since the hypercalcemia started. But it doesnt stop me from worrying about how long he has.

The aim is to get his calcium to around 3.0 and then bring him home, that should be in the next few days. Theyre going to make a care package, and keep assessing his ability to come home. Im hoping for a few more months, but we will have to see.

Millibob 28 days ago in reply to cc81785

Hello cc81785

Thank you for the update, although I am so sorry to read of Dad's condition.

Stick with us, use this area to vent if you need to (better here than with family) and if there is anything I can help with let me know and I will see what I can do.

This is a difficult time - remember the Support Line is there for you on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week), not just for you but family and friends too.