Just found out my mum has cancer

Hi EmilyK

Welcome to the Online Community.

I am sorry to hear that your Mum has been diagnosed with cancer and I know that it must feel a scary time at the moment. It sounds promising that they believe that it has been caught early and that it is treatable. 

With any diagnosis of cancer there are normally 2 main parts- first is the biopsy that shows a provisional grade of cancer (how it may behave) and secondly there are normally scans to show a provisional stage of cancer (whether it has spread) When the doctors have this information they will be able to use the provisional stage and grade of cancer to determine the most effective treatment for Mum. They may have already given an idea of what this may be. 

The time from diagnosis to getting a treatment plan is hard on both the person who has had the diagnosis and also those around them. Personally I found that once I had my treatment plan and knew what was going to happen and when, things started to feel a less of a shock and a bit more under control. 

I can understand that mum wants it to be kept private at the moment and I was the same. I worried that once people knew they may act differently or they may start to ask questions that I did not yet know the answer to. I also needed time to process the diagnosis myself. It may be once mum knows what will be happening and she has had a bit of time to process it all then she may feel like sharing with others. I know this can feel hard on you at the moment and it is important that you have support for yourself. If you do feel like it would help to talk things through, do give the Support Line a call. 

Hopefully Mum can have her scans and any other tests quickly and will be given her treatment plan. 

Jane

Thank you 

Hi EmilyK,

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your mums diagnosis, my mum who is also my best friend was diagnosed with cancer in August and it was terrifying. 

You're probably feeling a lot of emotions right now, whether that be fear or anger etc and thats completely normal; when my mum was first diagnosed the grief was unbearable and I was so angry. I found letting myself feel those emotions instead of pushing them away helped. 

This may sound a little unhelpful but you do find your way with it all, it will take time and you'll have good days and bad days. Supporting your Mum through this time may be your number one priority but  make sure you look after yourself too, I started running which allowed me to get out of the house and exercise. On the bad days appreciate the small wins, somedays when things were bad cooking my family a healthy meal was a score. 

Finally, I know you want to be strong for your Mum but you don't have to be strong all the time. You're a human being and you'll have bad days and thats okay. Don't always listen to the people that tell you to "stay positive" or "be strong", doing that every day is impossible. You said that your Mum doesn't want many people to know that she has cancer but lean on the people that do know and offer support. My neighbour used to give us her leftovers, before I would have been to proud to accept but it may my life wayyy easier. 

Remember to give yourself grace 

Sending strength to you and your family at this time x

Hi,

I wanted to reply to this as my mum got diagnosed with cancer in August and exactly like you my mum is my best friend and it shattered my heart completely. The anger at the world I felt was totally overwhelming but as another user said you do find your way with it. (Which may feel totally impossible right now) I’m always here if you want anyone to chat to as I understand how truly difficult this can be x

Thank you for your advice. Everything has sunk in a bit more now and I’m feeling it a bit easier to deal with now!