I don’t know how to cope

Hi Liz

I'm in the exact same position as you. My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in January and was given a prognosis of 3-6 months. She is doing ok at the moment (with some ups and downs health wise), you'd think this would help but it messes with my mind that the doctors said she could be gone by now but she is still here. 

I've been through every emotion since her diagnosis including the guilt when I couldn't bear to answer her calls or see her as it was such a trigger. That has some what passed now and I now take comfort in seeing her/talking to her.

It's so difficult to grieve a mother who is still here whilst trying to be the best mum I can be for my kids.

The only advice I can give is to be kind to yourself, accept every emotion you are feeling and accept any available help. 

I'm lucky in the fact I have a wonderful husband who is so supportive and siblings who I can turn to. 

I too am forever thinking ahead despite the multitude of people saying take things a day at a time - it isn't easy to change the way your brain works! I could have filled a river with the tears I have cried, it's true what they say, grief is the price we pay for loving someone so deeply.

Take care, I will be thinking of you x  

Thank you so much, its helps to feel i’m not completely alone ️