its been a rollercoaster so far ...hes not eating well and the list of food that he cant eat anymore is growing longer ....cant eat bread as that sits in his throat and causes him to be sick ,,we are trying weetabix with warm milk and shed loads of sugar which seems to help ..gave him fresh orange juice today and he enjoyed that ..am now trying to find food that he can eat ..jacket potatos are good with lots of butter.....and hes been having loads of ensure drinks as well .....he wanted an egg and salad cream sandwich today but couldnt eat the bread so i suggested he just use a spoon to eat the egg mixture and he did and wasnt as sick which is good
we know hes getting worse and its been really hard to deal with that and with christmas coming up im getting really emotional about it....
found out today that my blood pressure is high and now have to do 4 days of readings ...the person i spoke to at my surgery said oh thats high are you under stress ! ...didnt reply with ..no shit sherlock as just talking to her was making it worse lol i just said o dealing with end of life care for my husband who has cancer might put my blood pressure up and she replied with o ....i give up !
it explain why ive been feeling so under the weather though .....but theres not much i can do as i already have heart issues so im just plodding along taking care of my husband as best i can ,,while waiting for my gp to sort out my blood pressure and hopefully offer some help or medication to deal with it ....
my husband has said he feels the cancer is getting worse and he feels like he cant do anymore than hes already doing ...he wont accept counselling and he gets crabby when we talk about it so i leave that subject alone
the worst part of being his carer and trying to cope with daily challenges is its hard work and frustrating and i tend to ignore my health issues until i have to deal with them ...short sighted i know but im dealing with them now ..just dont want to deal with my surgery anymore and my husband has flat out refused to deal with the surgery pharmacist ..our community nurse has been brilliant and as a go between us and the surgery has made it easier for him and me to not worry so much .she also mentioned that she would refer my husband to the physio who could maybe help him with his swallowing issues but the waiting list is long so we are just going day by day on that ....knowing that the time is coming when i cant go out and about so much is sad but ive accepted that so im making the most of what i can do now
we talked about hospital from home and my husband stressed that he wanted to be at home when he died not in hospital and thats what i want too ....
we have done all the things we needed too in regards to a will and sorted out paperwork ....it seems so final but necessary and that i find hard to deal with ...
im so grateful for the palliative care team and all the help they have given us ..we dont feel so alone now
its being in that waiting room and the door has opened slightly more than last time ....
but hes still here and as far as im concerned thats the bonus in my life ...made me realise that everything we took for granted can be taken away in an instant and i know im not alone as much as i thought i was ....
take care everyone
sarah x
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for the update - yes blood pressure some people do seem to try to raise it a bit more.
When Janice was given esure some years ago there were some she quite liked and others she felt were horrible.
A bizzare thing that helped me some time ago was an accident at a construction site near me where 6 people died, it help me realise that nobody really knows what tomorrow will bring and all anyone can do is make the best of where we are now.
<<hugs>>
Steve
