How to respond to “if there’s anything we can do”

Hi franchad and welcome,

This is a tricky one. I am a very independent person, totally unused to being on the receiving end of anything as I had been completely healthy for 62 years until my first cancer hit me. And I still can't see myself as needing help and struggle to accept that sometimes I do.

I have had this said to me by people such as my manager at work, and work colleagues. I actually didn't tell many people of my diagnosis in any case.

I have discovered that the people who actually really are of genuine support and help, in my case tend to be the ones who don't say "let me know if there's anything I can do". My neighbour and friend has never said that to me because she knows that I can and will lean on her and ask her if I need her (she too is a very independent and private person, as I am) and the other person of great support has been my live-out partner who has come down 300 miles by train (he can drive but he is too nervous to drive that distance) to stay and to look after my dogs while I was in hospital. I think many people don't really know what to say or do when they hear our news, and the stock reaction is to offer vague help. I am sure I've said that myself to people in the past, in fact, and I've meant it, but in my younger days I could never understand why they didn't take me up on it!

Now, I understand it.

You know yourself the people who will be of best support to you. You may have a large network of those people or you may, like me, only have two or three. But those quietly supportive people who you know you can call on when you do need something, are highly unlikely to be the ones who say "let me know if there is anything I can do". They don't need to say it! 

On a practical level, I thank those who say it and tell them that yes, I will. Knowing deep down that I almost certainly will not! But as I never know whether perhaps at some stage I would feel the need to ask them, this kind of leaves the door open for me and for them.