Quick Background: Hubs, rectal cancer diagnosed end of July, APR surgery mid September, Ken butt and permanent colostomy. Cancer had spread through 3 layers of the bowel, gone into ‘some’ nearby blood vessels and 3/19 removed lymph nodes. Offered and accepted chemotherapy as a precautionary measure to ensure it doesn’t come back elsewhere. Two weeks on, one week off, for 4 cycles. Each one starting with a 2hr IV infusion and then 14 days of tablets with 3 days of steroids.
Today is Day 5 of round 1.
And it’s bloody hard. I was expecting it to be. I knew it wouldn’t be a walk in the park. He is constantly feeling nauseous - but doesn’t want to take the anti-sickness tablets because his head associates them with feeling sick (he retches at just the thought of taking tablets on a normal day let alone all of these). He is extremely tired. Totally and utterly understandable. He’s struggling to eat and drink.
The worst part is he’s my absolute favourite person in the world and I can’t fix this. All I can do is show him he’s not alone - which rationally I know is enough, but emotionally it feels like it’s not enough. I can’t be strong for him, when I see him struggling it breaks my heart. I don’t want to put my emotional need onto him, he has enough to deal with.
But yea - this absolutely bloody sucks right now. Thank you for listening
Something we often hear on here is "I have to be strong" - just wish it was that easy in reality. Then if we did not care I guess it would not hurt. That feeling of total lack of control as our loved one is being sick can be really hard. With my wife she will be sick if they give her oramorph - they always say it will not be a problem - then they learn.
Fingers crossed that getting through this chemotherapy will be ok and that things look much brighter after.
Do post on here whenever as someone is always listening but remember for a quick fix you are more that welcome to ring the helpline too.
My often go to is the Maggies at my local hospital but Monday week we will be in London at UCLH so will visit the Macmillan centre while we are there.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi
Have you asked if there is a liquid anti-sickness that can be offered?
that may help in some way
Lowe'
I am sorry to read that he continues to struggle with anti-sickness not working as well as it could, but also that he is now in hospital.
How are you managing, with all of this going on?
