My mum has been living with stage 4 kidney cancer for over 10 years. She has had multiple complications, various surgeries and has really suffered with terrible side effects of the medications she takes over that time. She had the results of her recent scan on the 1st July which showed that the cancer was now present in her lungs and liver. The 1st July was her 64th birthday. Mum, dad and I saw the Oncologist yesterday to discuss options and we were told that her life expectancy was 6 to 12 months. Treatment would perhaps give her an extra 6 months but the doctor advised against it as she would be debilitated by side effects for the remaining time she has left. Mum agrees with the doctor and we all support her decision. Now comes the emotional bit...
I feel totally distraught, can't eat, feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. The thought of how terrified she must be to be told she potentially only has a few more months is killing me. It all feels so cruel. I have three very young children, work full time and generally have a busy life but I just don't want to do anything. I feel guilt for having these 10 years with her but wanting another 10. I feel guilt that I'm laying here in bed depressed as hell when she's the one going through this! Both of my parents are disabled. Mum through surgeries on her leg bones due to the cancer and dad is an amputee. I am totally alone in looking after them. Then my mind turns to what the end will look like for mum, how will I tell and support my children, how will I look after dad, what about work...everything feels utterly overwhelming
Hi D Dog
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
That sounds like a awful lot to cope with so not really surprised about how you feel. I know when my wife was first diagnosed I spent quite a bit of time looking toward the future I could not control rather than appreciating what we have. There was a really good write up I saw on this in Coping with anticipatory grief
Our son was quite young when Janice was diagnosed but we always wanted to include him, again there is a useful guide we found in Talking to children and teenagers as well as the book "The Secret C" by Julie Stokes.
Hope you manage to get some support not just for your mum and dad but for you too.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi can I first say how sorry am I to hear about your mums prognosis. I get completely how you feel as I am the same. My mum has had blood cancer for 7 years and we had the news a week ago she is no
moving to palliative care and it could be 4 weeks. It was like a punch in my stomach, I feel anxious, sick either on the verge of or in tears all the time. All the light has gone out of my life anI can’t eat or sleep. My mum is so strong but my Dad is in bits. I haven’t been to see them for. 3 days as I can’t let them see me like this. I should be making the most of the time we have left. Iust feel heartbroken and overwhelmed. I can’t imagine my mum not being here. I can’t offer you any advice but I hear you and send you a big hug. We will get through it.
