Overwhelmed with emotions

Hi everyone

I just needed somewhere to express my feelings I guess. Dad (80) who has stage 4 bladder cancer (high risk NMIBC) and probable kidney cancer had his kidney resection last week. What was a stressful day on the day of the operation has just turned into what's felt like a week of uncontrollable crying and periods of just pure fear for me. 

The operation went well with removal of all tumours and part of his kidney, but did take several hours. He was initially prepped for 2 nights in hospital but due to bowel issues ended up spending 5 nights there. With me being up in Scotland, several hundred miles away, I am so glad my sister and brother were around to be there for him. 

The day he was released from hospital I got sent a photo of him in tears at being at home and it just broke me. I think it's been this week that the enormity of what he's going through has really set in. I think it's taken some time to get used to (as much as you can!) the reality of my elderly Dad having cancer and start to prepare myself for what could be to come.

I've found myself waking up in the middle of the night and checking that there's been no messages. I guess being so far away is adding to my anxiety. I very nearly broke down in the barber's chair yesterday when he asked me if my Dad was ok. I somehow managed to hold it in until I got home.

Me and 3 of my siblings have a group chat, which has been so good at allowing us to share how we're feeling. Dad is seemingly now recuperating well at home. We now have the agonising wait for the kidney biopsy results.  

Sending love and light, Mike