cancer shock - husband's radiotherapy is life extending only

Hi greyhoundsrule words seem futile in the current circumstances but I am so glad that you have felt able to post and that it has helped. Hopefully you can continue to post if it helps..if at any point you wanted to talk to someone please give the Macmillan Line a call. 08088080000 there will be little they have not dealt with or heard before and they are good listeners. Sending some huge big hugs your way for now. Gailx

thank you granny59....its devastating but we are both numb at the moment ...i find it easier to write down how i feel ..talking to someone either on the phone or face to face is difficult for me ..

writing makes it easier for me to process because i can see what im saying and of course i can change anything i want to write ...but there is hope ..spoke to my husband today and hes having  a dose of radiotherapy to zap the cancer in his throat and also being tried with a new drug to give him a chance to live better 

we know that the cancer cant be cured but all we can hope for is more time to enjoy what we have left and i cant ask for more than that...

its been a rollercoaster especially since we have to deal with all the things we have been putting off and thats hard but necessary

my husband is a natural pessimist and im an optimist .so between us we manage a middle ground at the moment 

take care sarah x

well its Monday morning and its been a real roller coaster of a weekend ..

we have spoken to a lung cancer consultant who has informed us that the remainder of my husbands left lung collapsed due to a tumour which has also killed off the vocal chords to the left side of his throat...so he will not get his voice back .

the Macmillan nurse also told us he doesn't have cancer in his vocal chords or anywhere other than the lung and lymph nodes 

they now think that he is going to be given radiotherapy on the tumour on his lung to try and shrink it and then see where we can go from there...maybe more immunotherapy or another medication to try and contain what they can ..

the Macmillan nurse was brilliant and so positive ..she told us there are options they can try and they are going to try everything they can to help him 

but really its all about giving him more time ..we are devastated and numb and in shock ...we know its life limiting but we want as much time as we can get and i know that sounds selfish but i really resent what cancer has done to us ...its a really take no prisoners disease ...

I was offered face to face talking therapy but I cant deal with that ..its better for me to write how I feel as it means I don't have to see peoples faces ...

when I get emotional I cry and then my nose gets blocked and I cant breathe..so its ugly and that's why its easier for me to write how I feel down 

I'm giving up my part time job as I cant deal with people at the moment and as I work in a retail environment its been hard these last few months to put on a brave face when all I can think about is time and of course my husband ...

I know I'm not the only one going through this but I live in hope and that's really the way my life is at the moment ..hope and determination to do what is necessary for my husband and me 

not feeling so alone and being able to write down how i feel is helping me so much ..the care my husband is receiving is brilliant and although he doesn't talk about it all I know he is dealing with it as best he can and at the end of the day its all about living our lives as best we can at at the moment 

I still get days where I hate everyone and everything but its not so loud now ...its accepting that we cant change anything and living our lives with limitations and hope...

Sending some huge big hugs your way and to let you know that we are all thinking about you. Gail x

thank you ...i guess all we can do is try and live as normally as we can with this unwanted houseguest as i call it ..

the strange thing is that although we have accepted that life isnt going to be all roses and rainbows ..the day to day routine has to carry on as much as normal and now we are dealing with the stuff we  have been putting off for too long ..

my husband was sent home from hospital yesterday and now its waiting to see more specialists and see what can be done to give us that more time we both want ..i cant fault the care he has received so far and as i said the macmillan nurse we spoke to was brilliant and although the news wasnt so good she did give some hope and at the end of the day hope is something to cling onto

its going to be a rocky few months ahead for both my husband and me but we will try and cope as best we can 

sarah x

hi everyone 

last monday my husband was admitted to the hospital for bleeding when he coughed which is cancer related ..

after waiting around for ages he was sent home because no one knew what was going on ...he was readmitteed to hospital that same evening with the same problem and sent to a emergency medical unit where he still is and put on oxygen as he was bringing up large clots of blood .

we found out that he had a tumour in his chest which was compressing the remainder of his lung and also making it difficult for him to breathe 

the cancer nurse came to see us and told us that he was being given radiotherapy as soon as it could be arranged mainly to shrink the tumour as it was now invading more of his chest ....

so wednesday he had his first radiotherapy treatment and hes being given five treatments so wednesday ..yesterday ..today and monday and tuesday ...the cancer doctors want him to stay in hospital during the treatment so they can monitor his health ..ive never been more scared and neither has he ...he hates seeing the blood hes coughing up and of course he keeps thinking hes not coming home ever ....

the macmillan nurse has been an absolute godsend ..she told him they had a plan and he wasnt to worry about the rest that they were doing everything they could to help him ...

one of the respiritory doctors came to see him and decided to tell us what happens when the radiotherapy works ..in graphic detail too !

my husband tried to not hear but i heard and wished i hadnt ,,but doctors like you to have as much info as they can give cant blame them for that really 

its been a rollercoaster week and because the hospital has arranged the transfers back and forth  to mount vernon its meant early start for me ...

he had his first treatment wednesday and he said yesterday he feels a bit better ..he looks better and hes not coughing up much blood and he doesnt need the oxygen 24/7

so all in all its been chaotic and scary for both of us

they think after the radiotherapy that they might put him back on immuotherapy but we dont know until hes had his treatment and scans and seen the oncologist 

i think when you go into panic mode you function but dont live if that makes sense ...the staff at the hospital have been fantastic ..in fact everyone involved with his care for the last 2 weeks has been amazing ...

we are not expecting miracles but finding a way to live with this cancer is hard ..knowing that the oncology team are doing everything that they can to help is making us feel a bit better 

hes improving but very tired and im just so grateful for the medical team and the help they are giving us ..

the mental strain is hard but thanks to my kids im coping ..but hospital food is awful lol ...he is restricted on what he can eat so hes now asking for food from home that he doesnt have to chew as the tumour was constricting his  trachea ..banned from bread pasta and rice at the moment

we were told that his tumour is bleeding and causing the clots he was coughing up but his bloodwork is fine ..

so all in all a really awful 2 weeks but some hope ..

hope everyone has a good day today x