My husband was only diagnosed late last year with stage 4 bile duct cancer and despite chemo going relatively well he has declined in the last couple of months due to the peritoneal tumours causing lots of bowel blockages. He’s been in hospital for 2 months (which has meant no chemo) and moved to a hospice this week to recuperate and get his strength back before coming home and starting chemo.
That was the plan however when I saw the palliative doctor yesterday she advised to start preparing for the worst. She doesn’t think he’s strong enough to handle chemo - he’s barely walking and struggles to even sit up in bed.
We are not due to see the oncologist until another 10 days ( she’s on holiday) and it will be her final decision.
We have two young daughters (ages 16 and 10) one of whom is about to do her GCSEs. They know he has cancer but don’t know how serious it is. My husband has been adamant not to tell them anything as he hasn’t wanted to cause unnecessary stress. However the doctor (and my therapist) feel like we should say something to the girls now to help prepare them.
I’m really lost and don’t know what to do. My husband also doesn’t know about the conversation I had with the doctor. I don’t know whether to wait until the oncologist confirms what the decision is (the palliative doctor did say there is a small chance my husband might start to regain strength this coming week with the help of the hospice team) or say something now.
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation (with young kids) - what did you do? Should I say something now or wait until the oncologist confirms and we know for sure.
Hi Nashua
One thing we decided when my wife was first diagnosed was that we would be open with out son. It has not always been easy and there have been a couple of occasions when he surprised us with his willingness to share how it was impacting him but I think we all found it easier to keep things in touch with reality. Talking with Maggies and Macmillan was really quite helpful. We also shared with the school and that helped to make sure that he got any support he needed there to.
<<hugs>>
Steve
