Looking for advice

Hi, I'm new to this and don't really know where to start, but here goes. A few years back, my dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer. It was a shock to the whole family, but the hospital was very quick to get him in and remove the tumor. The operation lasted between 10 and 12 hours, much longer than we expected. However, they managed to remove the tumor and one of his kidneys. They also noticed that the cancer had spread to his adrenal gland, so those were removed as well. His recovery took a while, but he was cancer-free and on the mend.

Fast forward a couple of years, and after a routine scan, he was diagnosed with secondary bone cancer, which, unfortunately, is incurable. For the past few years, he has been undergoing treatment in tablet form to suppress the cancer cells and slow down the spread of the disease. This had been going really well, with the cancer being contained in the same area. Unfortunately, a couple of weeks ago, after another scan, he was told that the cells had spread, and they needed to change his medication. He also had a course of radiotherapy, which he did not react to well. The cancer is in the bones around his pelvis, causing him a great deal of pain. I've been told he has some small fractures caused by the cancer. To top this off, he has now been told he is also in heart failure.

I feel completely helpless and am really struggling with how to support him and where to start. My dad is in his 60s and is a very difficult man; he has been negative about everything in life for many years, but over the past couple of years, it seems to have gotten worse. I totally understand that he must be scared of what is to come. However, I find myself getting angry and annoyed when he sits in front of the TV day in and day out and won’t make an effort to do nice things or make the most of what he has left with us as a family. We often suggest doing family activities like going out for meals or getting together, but he refuses to do any of this. He is still mobile; he could still get up and go out, yet he just seems to sit at home all day.

My mum recently retired, and I was hoping she would have a fun retirement and start enjoying life. However, I've noticed that she is doing the same thing—sitting at home day in and day out—which I can see is really getting her down. We all try to encourage her to go out, and sometimes she does, but when she gets back, my dad is in a foul mood with her, and she ends up taking the brunt of his negativity.

I've tried to talk to my dad, but he won't listen. He won't seek help or speak to anyone. I find myself getting short with him, snappy, and not wanting to be around him, and I feel guilty for this since I want to spend as much time as possible with him in the time we have left. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel hopeless, as if I’m letting both my mum and dad down. I know it's not all about me; however, I don't know how to support them in the way I should. I think my dad is depressed, but he will not admit it. I just really wish he would get out more and enjoy every moment he has left before he is unable to do so.