Hi all.
So my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, five years after he previously underwent treatment for cancer in the same area (lymphnodes in the neck) which it now seems was unsuccessful. A few weeks ago we found out that this form is incurable and metastatic (there is a tiny bit of it in his spine, so small it was barely picked up on the PET scan), much to our dismay.
This Monday just gone they informed him that due to how advanced it is (though they haven't told us the stage), immunotherapy isn't an option. Chemo is the only option left available to him, and he'll have to have it once a month over two days, using a drip. It will be a lot stronger cocktail of drugs then last time, which is putting him off. Chemotherapy was such a miserable experience for him last time, that now he's talking about not having chemo and just 'letting the cancer run its course' and 'if I only have a year to live I'd rather be healthy for it'. I don't agree with him on this. He's only 60, and is in otherwise good health - so much so the doctors seemed genuinely surprised by how well his organs are fairing, both for his age and accounting for the cancer. I know his cancer is incurable, and ultimately its his decision, but I'd argue that they wouldn't offer him chemotherapy if there was no chance of improvement.
From what the oncologist said, they're hoping eight months of chemotherapy will put it into remission - enough for it to then be treated with immunotherapy. They can't offer any guarantees - they seemed a little stumped themselves - but its the only other option he's got. Am I wrong to disagree with him on this? I know eventually that I will lose him, and while this breaks my heart (and my mothers), I just feel like a chance is better then nothing. If he could have a few more years with us, wouldn't it be worth it? I don't know. Maybe i'm just in denial. I'm 25, and I never expected to be losing my dad this young. With a mum who is also disabled, maybe I'm just clinging on, rather then accepting the upcoming loss. I'm trying to be as calm and reasonable and understanding as possible but its hard.
Am I wrong for encouraging him to undergo chemotherapy a second time?
Hi Asphodel
Sorry to hear what you are all going through. I would guess that having been through chemotherapy once and it not appearing not to have been a success it might have felt not worthwhile.
I wonder if it might help you to talk to one on the team on the helpline here - 0808 808 0000, it is open 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm. If there is a Maggie's near you many find them very helpful too.
<<hugs>>
Steve
