Hello, I have just joined the community. My mum was diagnosed with secondary bone cancer in 2020 at the height of lockdown. She found out on her own in hospital as no one could be with her. In her 50's she has breast cancer and after treatment was given the all clear. At the age of 80 she was diagnosed again - the cancer had spread to her bones. She has been living with a good quality of life until about 4 months ago. She has a lost lot weight and her appetite and is now very frial. Yesterday I went to see her - the GP visited and talked through all the options mum had. She has asked for pallative care at home and the pallative care team will be contacting her. I do not live locally to her, so mainly see her at weekends. I work full time. I am finding it hard, and over the years I have had many challenges with my mental health, particuarly severe depression. I worry I won't be able to cope and be strong enough for my mum. I am her only family now. I am here for help and advice in a supportive community as I am feeling very overhelmed at the moment. I also worry I live some distance from mum if anything happens. Thank you...
Hello Tortietabbycat
Welcome to the Online Community.
I am very sorry to hear that your Mum had a diagnosis of secondary bone cancer in 2020 after previously having breast cancer.
It must be very hard to see her decline in the last 4 months and I am glad that the palliative care team will be getting in touch to offer support. They really are the experts in supporting people with cancer and their families. I hope that they will be in touch in the next few days but if they aren't then do give them a call or contact Mum's GP again to chase them up.
It is hard when you don't live locally but seeing her at weekends will really help her and during the week you can still be in contact via phone etc. Mum will understand that you work full time, I am sure. Mine did.
With your own mental health- it is important that you have support during this difficult time. Are you having support yourself from your GP? I feel it would be worth contacting him/her to explain that your Mum is poorly and that you may yourself need a bit of extra support. I can totally understand that at the moment it all feels very overwhelming but hopefully once the palliative care team is involved it may give you some comfort in knowing that Mum's needs are being addressed.
If talking things through would help, then I can recommend the Support Line. The details are at the end of this and they are lovely on there. They will also be able to look at whether there is any support local to you and Mum that may help. Sometimes just connecting with others in similar circumstances can help.
Hope this helps, but if there is anything else you need, then please do ask.
Jane
I hope that your visit to Mum tomorrow goes ok and that you get some answers about her care. Glad that you have made good progress with your occupational health team and it is a good idea to update them so they can offer more support if you find you struggle. Let us know how you both get on.
Hello Again
I am sorry to hear that Mum is still in hospital and can understand she just wants to get home. I wonder if it is worth asking if she would be able to have oxygen at home? I believe that some people do. Or if there is any other medication she can be given to support her breathing.
I can understand what a struggle this is for you as well and really frustrating that you are not getting any answers. It can sometimes be hard to process all the advice and concentrate when your mind is in overdrive.
It is well worth going to the Macmillan centre tomorrow and asking for support. When I had my diagnosis I was given a specific Macmillan Support Worker to contact for general support. Has Mum got one on any of her paperwork? I was given a leaflet with the name, phone number and email address for someone. This was separate to my CNS nurses.
Have you got the name of Mum's consultant? I emailed my consultants secretary and he would call me back. Again it could be on any of her paperwork.
I wonder as well as with Mum wanting to come home and you not being able to get answers whether it is worth contacting her GP and asking for some advice/support. I would think that any discharge team would need to be in contact with her GP. My GP was contacted each time I was discharged. Also finding out what care Mum will be given when she is able to leave hospital. Details for the district nurses etc and when and who to call about what.
Naturally you want to spend time with Mum while you can and it must be really hard not to be getting answers.
I hope that you can find out a bit more tomorrow and please do let us know if there is anything else we can do to help.
Jane
So glad that you have managed to speak to her team. Being discharged to your local community hospital sounds a good plan- I hope that they can arrange it as it sounds the best possible plan while she is needing the oxygen and remains frail. I agree, it would probably pick her up a bit- even just to feel she is on the next step to coming home. Please keep us updated and let us know if there is anything else you need
