My family is relying on me to do everything

hi Pip93 

Sorry to hear about your mum and what you have both been going through.

I know when my parents were ill first my brother was doing most of the work in supporting them as he was living at home. Then as my parents needs got greater they moved closer to both my sisters who did most of the care. My dad actually mostly tried to keep me away some since he said I needed to look after my wife and son.

There was one day my sisters both needed a break though and asked me to go an sit with my parents - that is a really treasured memory for me.

When my wife was diagnosed with cancer I really struggled and then one day I reached out for help - since they I have got lots of help and perhaps the biggest thing I had to learn was to look after me because when I break I can help nobody.

Rant on here whenever, we even had a special group The Room - just remember to slam the door on the way out!

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve,

Thank you so much for replying. I felt a little embarrassed for posting earlier, but I think I needed to get it all off my chest a bit. Thank you for mentioning The Room - I will check it out.

I really appreciate you telling me about your situation, and your advice about reaching out for help. It made me realise that while I've been getting frustrated with my brothers, I haven't actually spoken to either of them directly about what's best to do for our mum, and they've probably got no idea that I could really use their help with organising some things. I'll reach out to them, I think.

Thank you again!

Pip x

Hi, I'm in a really similar situation. My Mum has terminal cancer, and I live at home with her and my Dad. Although my Dad does a lot of the practical stuff, I have to do all of the emotional care, cooking etc. Same as you- I'm would much rather be here to support her than not. I think other people assume that I'm happy to do it and am coping much better than I actually am. Sometimes I wish someone would take it all away from me. But then I'd feel guilty for not doing more! It's very difficult, it sounds like you're doing your absolute best and I'm sure your Mum appreciates it a lot x 

Hi Naomi_leah, it's tough isn't it? My dad's the same as yours, great for practical stuff and doing his best, but sometimes it feels like I have to look after him emotionally as much as my mum. I know what you mean about wanting someone else to take over, but like you I'd probably fret and feel guilty if they did. Thank you for your kind message, and I'm sure your parents appreciate what you're doing too x

Hey Pip,

not exactly the same situation, but my wife has metastatic breast cancer and we have three boys (16,15 and 13). My wife used to do most of the childcare (which now amounts to a taxi and feeding service), but now she can do very little with her illness and the side effects of chemo so most of it falls to me.

its amazing how the majority of the family don’t offer help or support and neither do other parents for the most part with running kids around.

it sucks and infuriates me sometimes, but it is what it is!

Al

Hi Al,

Sorry to hear about your family's situation. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and I agree, it is really shocking how some people you'd expect don't offer much support. Bizarrely, the most stressful thing I'm finding about my poor mum's diagnosis is how incredibly unhelpful my brothers are being. It feels very lonely at times, but I guess there's not a lot to do about it.

Hope things get easier for you and your family,

Pip x