Hello
I have never done this before, I never usually ask for help but any advice would be really appreciated here as I am at such a loss.
I am an only child and very close with my Mum and Dad and sadly my Dad has recently been diagnosed with Stage 3 Head and Neck Cancer. It started as a Melanoma Skin Cancer and he had surgery to remove it and got the all clear but 3 months later a very large lump has appeared behind his ear. He went for the biopsy and it came back as Stage 3.
We are now in the very scary part of waiting for various scans, appointments and a 'plan' to be confirmed whether he will have surgery or treatment but as each day goes by, the fear of it spreading is just getting worse.
I am trying to be supportive to my Mum and Dad but they get very frustrated at me. They are trying to block everything out which I understand of course but I want to speak to doctors, get as much info as possible to understand whats going on but whenever I do that, my Dad gets very angry at me and lashes out and my Mum tells me I am 'bringing everyone down'
I wanted to ask for help because I have tried talking to my parents asking how I can support and they just tell me to 'stay positive'. I am scared because they are 'blocking things out' important things may get missed. I called the doctor today and they told me new scans were being organised which I saw as a positive thing that they are doing thorough checks and when I told my Dad he shouted at me and told me to stop getting involved. I started to cry a little and he told me to stop being dramatic and then stormed off.
I completely understand his reaction because he is the one going through it but trying to put on a brave face when I am so worried myself about losing my Dad, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am angry all the time, I have to keep stepping out of the office at work because I just can't cope with it all, it is so hard but I know this isn't about me and i want to support my family as much as I can but it just seems like what ever I do to help frustrates them and its really taking a toll on me and I don't know what to do.
If there are any groups for emotional support for families that could be recommended that would be amazing.
Thank you x
Hello HMC - I have just read your post and am so sorry to find you in the situation you are in at present - it's hard being an only child (I am one - I know I am 67 but still an only child!). I fully understand you want to help but you have a very proud mother and father who think they can handle everything. May I make three suggestions as you have been brave enough to reach out for help.
* We have a forum Emotional support forum .You can join this forum by clicking on the link I have provided and when the page opens up just click on "join" on the black banner at the bottom of the page. You could either copy and paste your original post or repost it there.
* Give our support line a ring tomorrow (8am - 8pm) on 0808 808 00 00 or e-mail -conactus@macmillan.org.uk. There are some smashing people there who can point you in the right direction for support.
* Contact your local Maggie's on 0300 123 1801 or e-mail - enquiries@maggiescentres.org. They do offer support.
I hope I have been of some help - I know it's a difficult time for you.
If I can do anything else for you please let me know.
Best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
