Boyfriends dad diagnosed relationship struggling

Hi Soph825 

Relationships can be really difficult to anyone going with cancer and I might guess your boyfriend had felt that his dad had beaten cancer only to find they are back where they started. If we look at your feelings when someone has cancer you probably recognise a lot of what your boyfriend is showing.

What might help him, well talking to his GP might work as may talking to someone on the helpline here. Perhaps the most important thing any one else can do is listen. It might help you too to talk to someone - it can be amazing talking to a complete stranger in a safe environment and of course if that does not work out we can just walk away.

For me a big help was doing a living with less stress course. Taught me to try to live in the here and now rather than worrying about what the future might hold and the breathing exercises were great at helping me stop getting overloaded.

Well done for posting here though, because you are not at all selfish wanting some advice but very sensible indeed but just living with a really difficult situation.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Well it sounds like a difficult situation. I dont mean this in the wrong way at all but it’s probably not about you. You bf is probably preoccupied with the thought of his best friend ie his dad not making it. Sadly we all deal with things in a different way. I take it you haven’t been in a similar position yourself…

it can be all consuming the worry and uncertainty around it all. He’s probably not trying to push you away but sometimes I don’t feel like talking to my wife in the evening. My mums ina. Similar position. It’s not your fault but he probably is annoyed because you don’t know how difficult it is to be in his situation. (Or maybe you have been). But it is very very hard I can tell you. 

Sadly you probably arnt his focus at this time. Try to speak with him and see if you can help him or his dad in anyway or it’s listen to his concerns and just be there. Maybe speak to another relative if you are worried about him and his mental health. In terms of being intimate he’s probably got loads on his plate and needs space and as I said he’ll be thinking dark thoughts probably, and your relationship won’t probably his focus at the moment. Not to say he doesn’t care I’m sure he does deeply care about your relationship.

It’s probably not depression as such maybe just a normal reaction to having a family member with cancer. Go for a walk, talk have a coffee and see what’s on his mind. It might be his way of dealing with it all.

hope you find a way through it all. 

Just stick with your boyfriend. Listen. Don’t put any pressure on him. You’ll come out the other end. It’s awful watching your parent die. Just be patient. Do nice things for him. I’m sure he will love you more for it in the end. However long it takes.