So my husband is in his first year of remission from bowel cancer. He finished treatment in November. He had a colonoscopy Monday as part of his check up. It's positive news and I am of course pleased. But the check up has just knock the emotional stuffing out of me. Much more than I realised. It brings up so many feeling's, mainly fear, the fear I felt of loosing him and just feeling scared by all that was going on during treatment. I lost my mum and dad many years zgo but I found myself this morning, just bawling my eyes out at a picture of them wishing they were still around to protect me. We go in to warrior mode when we need to but for me the feelings always come out after. Can anyone relate to feeling so vulnerable, and feeling the same around check ups?
Also life after cancer might not be what you might expect it to be to someone who has never experienced it closely. I guess after it finished I thought you would feel nothing but gratitude for life, and whilst you are grateful you are also so much more mixed feelings.
Hi Kat55
Yes when our loved ones are in remission it can be easy to feel like there is just sitting on a kind of time bomb waiting for things to go off and on going check ups are a prominent reminder. We even coin a term for this - scanxiety.
If we look at this page on finishing treatment we can see common issues that occur from the point of view of a patient but we can feel even more helpless as their relative.
There is a lot too in the pages of pre-grief here.
<<hugs>>
Steve
