Struggling to cope with mums cancer

Hi Flowergirl1234 

What is normal? With 1 in 3 people getting cancer in their lifetime and them all having friends and family perhaps we all just became more normal when our life decided to intersect with cancer.

If we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer I know I recognize a lot of me in some of these - how my normal got me here - not easy though.

Talking (or even typing) though can really help - looking at What to say to someone who has cancer can be helpful.

While we feel for anyone joining our family - we welcome everyone because together we can be stronger.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hello. 
I came across your post when I was searching for advice on how to deal with my mum’s stage 4 incurable lung cancer (sudden and unexpected - healthy non-smoker) and everything you have said resonates with me. 
I am 32, my mum (64) is my best friend and I am an anxious person by nature.

Although my friends are supporting me greatly, they do not understand fully how I am feeling as they have not been through this, so it is helpful to read that how I am feeling is a ‘normal’ response as I’m not the only one. 

I don’t have advice or words of wisdom (as that is what I’m looking for!) but can definitely identify with the way you are feeling. 

Sending love ️ 

Hi

similar position and this is a bumpy ride. My mum was diagnosed 12 months ago and had an op and radio and chemo. I managed ok initially but then about 9 months in a was struggling and I have a 6 year. So I got signed off - something I've never done before - it helped massively, some times you need to stop to get better. Do you have a supportive employer? Cos that will help.  Hang in there - sending positive vibes and big hugs.

H x

Hey.

Thanks for your reply. 

I can only imagine how bumpy the ride is and we have only just set out on it.

I do have a supportive employer but I am in a very demanding job. It’s more of a lifestyle than a job - all consuming. 

As no-one knows specifically what’s ahead, I am struggling with the lack of control and the uncertainty of it all. 

Thank you for the words of support - much needed and sending good vibes and hugs to you.

️️️

Hi there!

I’m glad my post made you feel a bit less alone. You are having a totally normal reaction!! 

I totally understand I have fabulous friends but none have experienced anything like this and we are all quite young so I feel like they can’t fully understand the magnitude of what is happening in my life.

I see a therapist (originally just for general mental health reasons) but I have been talking to her about this and found it so helpful to have a caring, listening ear to validate my feelings. I know therapy is quite expensive but if you can afford a couple of sessions or even get a couple through work I would really recommend!

My therapist would say that there is no wrong way to react and it’s important to just feel your feelings. 

I’ve found it helpful to take life a day at a time and not dwell much on the future or things outside of my control. If I am having a bad day I accept that and know that those feelings won’t last forever. 

If it helps this last week I have been feeling much better and less anxious ! I think time and adjusting to the news helps 

if you ever need a chat please don’t be afraid to message me :) 

️

Thanks a million! Yeah I do have a supportive employer so I know that it’s an option. I have been feeling a bit better the past week or two so still at working at the moment but you are so right sometimes you do just need to stop and take time for yourself and your family. ️

Hey. 

Thanks so much for your message. Sorry it has taken me a while to reply. 

Yes - I think because I am quite young (32) and my mum is only 64, this seems so incredibly unfair and nobody I know can relate. 

I have been reading some of the MacMillan booklets which have been of great help so far. I’ve had therapy before for anxiety and other mental health issues but I may need to access something like this again at some point. I’m finding it comes in waves - one minute you are going about your day working or doing other things, then the next it crashes down on you. That’s what I’m finding anyway. 

Since the unexpected diagnosis, my mum’s physical (and of course mental) health has declined rapidly. She has been in and out of hospital and can’t do more than sit in a chair at home really. How quickly things have changed has really scared me and, of course, her. 

Sending love out to anyone in a similar position ️ 

Hi,

Unfortunately I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I am is a very similar position to you. I am also in my 20s and my mum was very unexpectedly diagnosed with breast cancer early this year. She’s had her op and is due to start chemo in the next couple of weeks and I am so overwhelmed that I don’t know what to do with myself. Today has been a particularly difficult day so I took to the internet to find some words of wisdom myself which eventually led me to this forum. I wish I had something to say to make you feel better but all I can say for now is I hear you and I see you. 

Take care of yourself ️

Hey

Thanks so much for your message. 

These forums are definitely of some comfort. 

Hoping today is a better day for you.

️

My mum was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer just over a year ago; even now I sometimes struggle to process this diagnosis.

She's currently in hospital as the cancer is pressing on her small bowel and blocking it. The doctors are optimistic they can unblock it and give her some more time with us, but it would be months if anything. All I can suggest is to take things one day at a time, and if you feel you can write down your feelings or talk to someone it would be worth doing. It's not something I've done up to now as I'm not that sort of person, but I'm thinking I might need to be.

Thinking of you