Emotional Support

2 replies
20 subscribers
594 views

If there's anyone out there, I really need some support.

My dad has stage 4 prostate cancer, diagnosed about a year ago. He had chemotherapy earlier this year, but blood tests have recently shown he's relapsing already. CT showed he hasn't got any new mets and all his existing mets are in bone.

He can barely walk to the toilet anymore and only leaves bed to stagger his way there and back. We don't know why he's in so much pain or why he's suddenly lost muscle mass and function over the last couple of months, because it doesn't seem to be the mets.

It doesn't really matter because the main point is everything is going to Sugar Honey Iced Tea. My mum (has depression and anxiety) is struggling to cope, my younger brother is being brave but is struggling with A level work as a result of all the worries at home and my 2 older brothers are autistic and the uncertainty and regular disappointments.

I meanwhile have been trying to keep everyone together and keep morale high. I also have university work I need to get done and I can't because I'm either helping or trying to cheer people up. I graduate in june/july and then I'm back home full time. I have been home for Christmas nearly 1 week now and I'm really struggling to cope. I don't know how to cope.

I prepared myself for losing my dad in the future to the cancer. I didn't foresee losing everything else as well. It feels like everything is falling apart and I don't know how to respond or what to do or say or think.

I just want to run. Is that selfish?

Can anyone out there relate or just give some kind words or let me know I'm not alone.

Please.

I'm really scared and feeling so very alone.

CazF over 2 years ago

You are not alone. Not in the slightest. Please know this.

I lost my dad just under a month ago. I know how brutal this limbo time is and I can relate to how you feel. I think this time of anticipating the worst is quite literally the worst feeling. Plus, the time of year does not help.

My mum also suffers with anxiety and depression, as does one of my brothers. We all reacted in different ways when it came to the care dad needed. We all have mixed anger. Then there was the pending grief and current grief. We've had many clashes but I think its important to know that all feelings are validated. But it is also about knowing when to pick your battles. Now is the time to pull together and it may very well be that you are the glue. But know that you're important too and you must not sacrifice everything.

Your studies are important. Have you told your uni/mentor about what is happening? My brother was granted some extra support.

A voice in my head keeps telling me, this too shall pass. I feel the need to pass this message on to you.

You're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk xx

AM123 over 2 years ago

I just wanted to say that I can empathise with you. My dad also has stage 4 and this has all happened for us in the last three months. I live an hour away and every time I see him, it’s shocking just how much more of him has wasted away. I’m older than you (42) but I started a new job in August and am doing an MSc, and I feel like I’m failing at everything. My mum and dad are the only family I have left, my older brother died suddenly and unexpectedly last year.
I am married, but my husband lost his dad earlier this year and I feel like while he’s good at practical things to help me, he struggles with the emotional side, so even at home I feel like a pretty s*** wife. I have one friend - I’ve struggled with depression most of my life, so I isolate myself - who lives 60 miles away and she lost her dad to Covid and struggles with severe anxiety so I try not to put too much on her.
So you’re definitely not alone in how you feel.

More from this forum

Emotional Support