Dads lung cancer

Hi SJS and welcome to our community though sorry to hear about your dad.

Although we all dread that chat it can be great to get it out of the way so we can then get on and make the most of the rest of the time together. To do lists can be very useful as it is easy to forget something when we are busy too. I know how comforting keeping busy can be but sometimes things hit me hardest at the quite times.  I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. When I talk about all we have done people often say "How do you cope" - but in reality life tends to give us little choice in that.

Sharing on here can be really helpful, we are all at all stages of this process and together I think we make a great team.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi SJS, I’m new here too. I am so sorry for what you and your parents are going through.  My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer 3 weeks ago, we are still waiting for grading but have been told she cannot be cured. We are really hoping that they can put her on palliative treatment to prolong things but everything is so up in the air at the moment. Like you I am an only child, unfortunately my mum doesn’t have a partner so I am trying to support her as much as possible but finding it very difficult to stay strong for her - she is my best friend and I cannot find a way to accept what is happening to her. I just wanted to reach out as it seems we are both in a very similar nightmare!! We also had the funeral talk yesterday. It is all just terrible x

Sorry I have pressed a flag on this comment and don’t know how to get it off. 

Hi. So sorry to hear about your mum, I hope they can work out some palliative treatment for her. It is such a hard time, trying to be strong for them , but like yourself I can’t really believe this is happening. My dad isn’t 60 yet, and I have two young children that adore him, it just all feels so unfair 

It’s awful isn’t it. Trying to stay strong for them but also putting on a brave face and hiding as much as you can from the children. My eldest (15) knows a little of what is happening but my youngest (8) has no clue and I cannot even begin to think how to tell him. She is such a huge part of our lives and I cannot comprehend her not being here x

It really is hard, my children are 4 and 2 so currently they don’t really know much past that grandad is poorly, I cannot even comprehend how I tell them when something happens to him, they love him so much. I’m trying to be practical and ensure everything he wants doing is done / sorted so he isn’t stressing over the day to day things. It feels abit like everything is on hold now

The doctor advised me to drip feed it to my youngest. To keep Nan being poorly in open conversations and slowly add to it. It must be even harder for you as your children are younger. I am signed off work at the moment as I don’t think I could manage that too. The smallest things feel exhausting right now. The tests and grading seems to be going on for an eternity. I hope Friday goes ok for your dad x

Drip feeding sounds a good idea, we talk about grandad being poorly and they know he has to go to hospital at times. I am still working, it’s my way of keeping my mind busy as I defo feel better when I am distracted from the whole thing, but I understand the exhaustion , I am finding myself feeling worn out all the time at the moment. Thank you so much, I hope your mum gets some answers soon 

Hi both, you might find Talking to children and teenagers helpful. A book sometimes recommended is The Secret C by Julia Stokes (it might be worth seeing if your library can get hold of a copy).

With my wife we had little choice but being open with my son, I was concerned though with his autism not to over promise as we knew Janice's cancer was incurable. Still 6 years along and she is still going strong I sometimes have to reflect on the saying what does not kill us makes us stronger.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you for that. I did think there must be some books out there to help so it’s helpful to have a title to search for