So my dad has recently been diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer and has been given 4-5 years. I am not upset about it really, but I am very angry with him. He is 70 and had never had his prostate checked. He then spent 2 weeks hardly able to pee before seeking any help. I can't help thinking that if he had sought help sooner or been checked regularly that this could all have been avoided.
He has also asked that this not be talked about in a wider circle and has only told some of his family (his mother, 2 of his 5 siblings, his partner, me and my partner and that is all, I am an only child). I understand that he wants to be private with this as he is still reasonably healthy. But I can't help thinking that it is unfair to his other siblings and also to me and his partner. I would like to get a support network around me for when the worst happens but having to keep it to such a small group of people makes that difficult.
Any advice on how to get past my anger about the whole thing so that I can support him better?
Hi Crystal
Absolutely you are allowed to be angry - if we look at Your feelings when someone has cancer we see anger is very often a common emotion.
I do get your dad's desire to limit the circle of people who know - cancer is not often a great topic of conversation over a cup of coffee or in the pub and it quite often happens that people who feel they do not know what to say will avoid talking at all.
There is not a routine scan programme for prostate cancer so it is not likely your father would ever have had anything that might have picked it up.
Well done for coming here though, perhaps we can be your support network - it can be amazing how many friendships can be formed between our avatars on here. We even have our own special place CarerMoira where we can talk openly about our feelings without worrying about the impact it might have on others here.
<<hugs>>
Steve
You right to be angry at him...but you also have to remember that he comes from a generation that stop guys from talking about problems like illness. He felt he could deal with it himself, just like my Dad did when he got stomach cancer back in the 70's...he would run away from me as he thought it would scare me seeing him so sick, plus he could not talk about how he felt it seemed to embarrass him. But I knew from a young age he was scared himself..
Nowadays having an illness and telling others is easier to do, there's no stigma and 'your a man, suck it up' attitude like it was then...
He'll come around once he sees the support he has with you and others..he reached out to you and that's a good thing...keep working on that and he may come around..
