Hi,
My dad got diagnosed with stomach cancer a couple of weeks ago. We found out this week that its spread, so its not operable. They have said that treatment will be palliative, which scares me that its end of life care.
I'm struggling so much to cope with it. I've googled stomach cancer and the survival rates for a year or more are only something like 40% and only 18% for five years or more.
We dont know how far it has spread yet, and the constant waiting for each bit of information is unbearable.
It all started after he had been finding his appetite reduced for about 3 weeks and felt a tightness in his stomach when he ate. The doctor referred him for a 2 week wait referral, which from that point I was convinced it would be cancer and that it would have spread everywhere, even though other people were saying it could be anything at that point.
I suffer with OCD and bad anxiety, so this feeling of the diagnosis felt really real. Then at his endoscopy he was told he had a stomach ulcer which they thought was cancer. We had to wait another week to find out the biopsy results. Then we had to wait another week to find out if it has spread. We dont know how far it has spread yet as he received a call from a Macmillan nurse just saying that he would have an appointment with an oncologist next week, and my dad asked if she had the ct scan results, which is when she said it had spread. So we have to wait until the end of next week to find out the extent of the spread.
I'm so scared that the oncologist is going to say that my dad only has a few months left at the appointment. My brother and boyfriend keep saying that I need to stay positive, but I can't see the point. I've been right every step of the way with my worries about the extent of the cancer, so why would I be wrong this time?
The wait for each bit if information has been torture. Every time I dread it and dont want to know, as then any tiny bit of hope that I have will be gone.
I'm in my mid thirties and moved out of home to another town (about 45 mins away) last year and I feel so guilty. I feel like I need to be there all the time, but I know that would stress my dad out if I am there all the time as he says I need to be living my own life.
I'm so worried about my mum as well, and thinking of her being on her own if it is the worst news.
I'm finding every day a struggle. I feel hopeless and upset when I wake up, as I dont know how I'm going to get through another day. I feel like I wish I'd never been born as then I wouldn't have to suffer the loss of a loved one.
I dont know how people cope with this. The constant waiting and worrying that I am going to loose my dad, along with this feeling that it will be bad news of a short prognosis is consuming me.
I spent the day with my parents the other day and they both seem normal and my dad isnt in any pain or anything, so I did start to feel a bit positive thinking maybe chemo would work and he could have a few years still. He does feel more breathless lately and has fatigue, plus the stomach tightness, but other than that, he seems normal But then I soon felt this was misguided hope and bave gone back to thinking the worst and hopeless. Especially as stomach cancer has such a high mortality rate, as there musy be a reason for that.
People keep saying to try to keep myself busy and keep my mind distracted, but I find it so hard, and also feel guilty if I try and take my mind off of it.
I just wondered if anyone else is going through the same thing and if they could share their experiences.
Is it natural to assume the worst and for these thoughts to feel so real?
Do other people really struggle to get through the day?
Does palliative care mean it's the end?
Thank you in advance for any support.
