Hi,
I wanted to come on here to vent my feelings and to share with someone else who may be going through the same situation as me.
I’m 29 and in december 2020 my dad got diagnosed with cancer in his lymph nodes at the age of 67. 9 months on I still find it difficult to say those words.
He has undergone chemotherapy and radiotherapy. The radio caused sepsis in July 2021- we thought we was going to lose him.
His cancer has now spread to his liver, which leaves him with another session of chemotherapy.
He was a big, strong man with a great sense of humour and loved his family. Now, unfortunately, he is weak, bony, frail, snappy and depressed. He has no patience and I’m worried he will give up his fight.
I’m so sad that’s it happening to him, Angry because it’s not fair. Guilty because there’s nothing I can do to help and fearful I’m going to lose him.
Some days when I think outside the box- I think positive and have hope.
Some days it’s as if I’m in a black hole and can’t get out.
I grieve the person he used to be, is this normal? He’s not gone yet but part of him feels that way.
My poor mum, thinking she’s going to grow old with the love of her life is heartbreaking.
At the moment my dads mood has changed. He has no patience, don’t want to talk to anyone and snaps at any given opportunity. He cannot bare us to cry and gets really angry if we do.
I feel helpless and empty.
if anyone understands what I am going through please speak up. It can be a very lonely time and I find it helpful when someone can relate to me, even if it’s a very sensitive/sad subject.
Also, I would like to ask anyone with cancer going through similar to my dad, how do you prefer your family to act around you? Would you prefer everyone to act the same as before cancer turned your life upside down or do you actually like being asked if you’re ok 500 times a day (my dad definitely hates that!)
Any advice welcome.
thank you for reading
Christie x
Hi Christie and a warm welcome to the online community. I'm so sorry to read about your Dad's diagnosis. Cancer is a devastatingly cruel disease that gets those who least expect it and the stress and emotional upheaval to the patient and family members can't be described.
I've a different type of cancer so I'm going to suggest you join our Secondary liver cancer where you'll be able to connect with other members making the same journey. It might also be an idea to join our supportive Family and Friends forum where you'll be able to discuss your feeling in confidence with others supporting a family member on this scary journey. By joining these groups you'll realise that you're not alone, we're all here for you.
It’s always helpful to others if you write a little something (or a lot) about yourself and your journey to date. You can enter it into your profile (click on your username and select “Profile”) It’s helpful to other members with a similar diagnosis who can then hopefully answer your questions. It also means that you don't have to keep writing the same thing over and over. You can amend or update it at any time.
To find more information covering diagnosis and treatments there are pages covering most types of cancers which can be found on our Online Information and Support Section.
Macmillan Support Services also offer lots of information, support, financial guidance or just someone to listen. It’s free to call 0808 808 0000. Most services are available 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week. Have a look by Clicking here to see what is available and we also have our Ask an Expert section, but do allow two to three working days for replies from our expert team.
Sending you welcoming hugs B xx
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
"Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever” - Roy T Bennett
Something you wrote stood out to me "I'm grieving"
I get that. I felt that too.
Actually I think that's exactly how my dad felt too, grieving who he used to be, his role as a dad, (and perhaps his dignity at times too)
Grief isn't just about dying, its about loss, so please don't feel guilty about feeling that way. Your lives are upside down and it's s**t. No other word for it.
I can relate to your well wishers comment too. What you're going through is awful and maybe some of your friends will get it but many won't. Despite their good intentions, I often felt that I was making them feel better rather than the other way round.
I know you are not asking for advice so feel free to ignore but I found talking to a macmillan nurse really helped. She helped have the conversations with my dad that I couldn't have when I was experiencing similar to you. I think it helped him to say things he wouldn't say to me too.
You are not alone 
