Partner has blood cancer - struggling to have normal conversation

No you're not terrible at all. He's wrapped up in his own world and trying to control what he can. It sounds like he doesn't want to be reminded of the life he used to have, maybe it's too painful to remember. Watch your shows, do things and tell him about them anyway, take interest in his news about his blood results etc, then see if he can do the same for your news about tv shows or work or coffee with friends, but just ask him to listen.. he doesn't have to do more than listen politely , maybe it would be a start, and once the last chemo is done, you may be able to make more progress. sending hugs.

Hi I'm in a very similar situation to you, and you're not a terrible girlfriend!  My husband was also diagnosed with AML in April, and we've been through the same feelings and conversations! Mine was in hospital for 6 weeks originally because of a bad reaction to the chemo and sepsis, and was institutionalised when he got home, constant talk about hospital, temperature , platelets etc. I has got better over time, he's been home 5 weeks now, he's also in remission, but starting chemo again in a week, so half expecting it all to kick off again! I've also had the same feeling of wanting to take it all away and would willingly swap places with him. I think I could deal with it better if it was me. I think as wives and partners we are the ones used to fixing things when anything goes wrong in life and it hurts us when we its something awful like this and we can't do anything about it. All I can say is just keep doing what you are doing when you are with him, but also make time for yourself to do something you like. .He's grumpy as he's having a hard time coping, but whatever he says he couldn't do this without you, you're as important as all the drs and nurses he is involved with.  Make the most of the good times, when you see sparks of your old boyfriend starting to show through, and hopefully you'll start to see things improve slowly. Try to get out a bit too if you can, even if its just a short walk around the block or sit in the garden. We found that helps. 

Hi

I’m a mother to a son who is suffering from Myeloma Cancer and has been going though treatment now for 18 months - for the last ten weeks he has been in hospital having a series of chemo and radiotherapy.  Prior to this he had chemo and radiotherapy and an operation on his leg.  I’m not very good at explaining in detail my son’s situation. Basically he has an incurable cancer and its just breaking my heart, what mother wants to see their children, no matter what age suffering and given the opportunity I would swap places with no hesitation.  I will add I am on my own, a single parent for many many years.

So reading how you’re feeling was like a breath of fresh air.   I was allowed to visit my son this Saturday just gone, the first time in ten weeks and I was so excited.  We’ve always been especially close and I miss him terribly.  I absolutely adore him, he’s always been there for me with his love and support over the years and his company second to none, he has the biggest heart and an amazing sense of humour.

BUT like you I’m finding it so difficult, it seemed whatever I said was wrong, he wasn’t interested in me or what I’d been doing, I tried to digress and not look sad, confused just the feeling of helplessness.   Leaving him wasn't easy  I felt overwhelmed with it all and the worry is constant isn’t it.   But too like you I’m worried I’m having these selfish thoughts and I think I need help to understand so to cope better in these situations    I’ve spent most the weekend crying and feeling guilty!!  I must add the phone calls are similar but easier.

Reaching out, finding this site I hope will help me understand, listen without judgement - hopefully he’ll be back home soon and maybe a little normality for us all and my son of course.

Thanks